Over time I have attended various courses on writing.
These have not had any lasting effect on my ability to actually write anything.
As an after-effect of these different efforts I have various short pieces of work with no home to go to.
I can’t see that any of these will be the foundation of some best seller.
I am gambling that displaying your old work has no deleterious effects on future writing.
On that assumption I will put them out there warts and all.
On the basis that it is possible someone might get some small pleasure from reading them.
From some old writing exercise I have this short piece of writing that did not make the grade.
The idea was to describe a character. But the feedback was that the character was one-dimensional.
In fact the reflection was that he was a little shit and that this made the end satisfying to read.
I was very sympathetic to Mike and I quite liked him. In some aspects I felt an affinity with him. So it is sad that he did not make the grade as a character.
Anger
Mike gripped the Momo steering wheel, his knuckles pale. Petite hands, not like a man’s at all, slender wrists and puny forearms, which are currently in tension. So that the slim muscles are clear.
His acne scarred face reddened with aggression.
Mike barks out “Move you bastard!”
He weaves his lowered Vauxhall Nova towards the right-hand side.
The darkened purple interior vibrates in time to a huge subwoofer behind his left ear – “50 Cent”. Mike adjusts the baseball cap forwards a little and leans forwards. His nose inches from the screen; he revs his engine with a whoosh of the dump valve.
The ash from his fag is forming a scree slope down the front of his T-shirt. His clothes are market-stall “designer”; all sportswear accented with gold jewellery from Argos. Today Mike wants to look cool.
Finally, he has passed his test at the ripe old age of 18, old for a license. He would have to tell them he passed months ago. They couldn’t know he was a new car virgin.
He’d had to be nice to his god-awful parents for a whole week now. He’d finally persuaded his dad to give him the money for this real bitching car. He could tell them it was all his own work – they’d think he was cool then.
His face ape-like in concentration screwed up. With ears stuck out at right angles beneath his close-shaven hair.
He looks for even a minute gap in the traffic “Fuckin’ Wankin’ Granddad, why not fuck off and die”
He edges his lurid green front spoiler close to the boot in front and flashes the four-way headlights. His laceless trainers describe a dance on the “custom” pedals until the unbalanced car slews sideways.
He leers, “Hope that scared the old bastard!”
He wanted to arrive like a star in “2 Fast 2 Furious” in a rush, lights blazing. He wanted to impress (particularly Roz – she looked great in that pink mini skirt last week). But this idiot was holding him up. He felt his heart beat faster – he wanted to kill him in a serious way. He could imagine ripping out his still beating heart. Kicking the gagging corpse around until this feeling ran cold.
He hit the horn hard and then zigzagged out until he was parallel, nothing would stop him now.
What was this? The old guy was accelerating, fucker, he would have him. Mike plants the accelerator hard into the purple carpet. He feels the blood pumping past his calf muscle as he exerts great pressure to keep it there.
Sweat springs from his forehead as he looks ahead at the oncoming bend.
He won’t give way; this git will never take him. Every muscle in his 5’ 7” frame taut he grits his teeth. He will win this or die, the evil fucker.
The Speedo needle crawls upwards, the corner, not past yet, he won’t brake, never. He turns to give the guy the finger as the Volvo truck rounds the bend.
Not that long ago I decided that I would explore the world of audiobooks.
Some of my friends use audiobooks.
I spend a reasonable part of each week driving. I thought having something playing in the background would allow me to make best use of that time.
To me the obvious place to start was an audiobook download from Amazon.
After a while I had listened to the book and I thought that my niece might like to listen to it after me.
I own the book and I reasoned that this should present no problem.
I determined that there was no way to export the book from the playing interface. I couldn’t record it or indeed to pass it on by a method such as via email or file sharing service.
I contacted Amazon support and they told me it is forbidden to do what I was proposing.
Amazon control what you do with your audiobook.
When I owned a CD I could package up the CD and send it on to someone else. The CD belonged to me.
When I owned a book, I could take it to a charity shop and they could sell it; that was my right because the book belonged to me.
I discovered that in the world of downloads you do not own the item that you have bought. The closest relationship I can equate it to is a rental agreement in which you make a one-off payment.
I can remember as a child being forced to apologise to people when I hadn’t any feelings of being sorry. In some cases I actually believed the other person was at fault.
I found that apologising has to come from within. Apologising when you do not mean it is empty and encourages feelings of revenge.
Research indicates that refusing to apologise is as beneficial as apologising. Refusing to apologise allows a person to feel more powerful and energised. The worst position is to sit on the fence and do nothing.
Some research shows that people who fail to apologise are happier than people who apologise.
In some circumstances apologising is damaging for the other person. For example if you reject someone with an apology this is more hurtful than plain rejection. The person is feeling both hurt and the need to forgive in the same moment. They need the time to process the hurt before considering forgiveness.
There are some benefits from choosing to apologise however. People prepared to apologise are viewed as more trustworthy. (Even where they apologise for things they cannot be responsible for – such as the weather).
Choosing to apologise may not be without consequences. These can range from embarrassment to admission of guilt. Admission of guilt can lead to other consequences: job loss, imprisonment, court cases and so on.
Every apology has to be considered. If you decide to apologise then at the very least you want your apology to be effective.
A recent counselling article indicates that apologies should contain the following elements:
Acknowledge the offense clearly – for example I did drive your car without your permission.
Explain it effectively – for example I waited until you went to work and took your keys from the dresser.
Restore the offended parties’ dignity – for example – it’s your car and I understand you will be mad that I used it.
Assure them they’re safe from a repeat offense. – I will not take your car again.
Express shame and humility – I feel very bad that I did this to you.
Make appropriate reparation – I will pay you for using the car and for the petrol.
Research indicates that apologies should offer assurances that the behaviour will not reoccur. They should contain sympathy for the victim. (An acceptance of responsibility coupled with a request for forgiveness).
The request for forgiveness may need to be withheld in some cases – when the victim needs time to process feelings and may not feel at all ready to forgive yet.
The timing of the apology is important. Apologising too soon may not have left the victim time to process feelings. Too late and the apology might appear to be insincere.
The key to a great apology lies in 6 key components:
Expression of Regret I’m sorry I ate all the French fries
Explanation of what went wrong I was hungry and ate them all
Acknowledgement of responsibility It was entirely my fault
Declaration of repentance I am really sorry
Offer of repair I will buy you some more French fries
Request for forgiveness. (However this is not applicable in every case – see text) please forgive me
These can be summarised as:
Tell the person how you feel I feel bad about what I have done
Admit the mistake and the impact of the mistake I ate the French fries and you went hungry
Repair the situation I’m going to buy you some more French fries
There are several examples of apologies that did not contain these key components. These have made the situation worse and/or made the victim(s) feel worse than prior to the apology.
A poor apology can lead to a desire for retribution by the victim. This could lead to a worse situation than if no apology had ever been offered.
The best apologies take into account the needs of the victim. This will require humility and empathy.
It stood out because of the parallels between the way this method suggests you manage challenge, and counselling practices I have observed.
Sadly for me the whole thing falls down through its focus on people of greatest ability; I think this is a mistake.
These people are certainly the highest earners and therefore unsurprisingly the focus of an enterprise like Thrive Labs http://www.thrivelabs.co/ which Priya Parker is running.
Elitism over life-changing advice ensures that Priya’s business gets to pay the bills but the very brightest are only going to be a percentage in any population.
That would leave 499 out of every 500 people who are not benefiting from this technique.
For every Einstein there are hundreds that made sure he had roads to drive on, bread for his sandwiches, and cotton for his shirts.
This needlessly restricts the audience for such advice. Given this is very like a standard CBT technique which is designed to work for everyone.
When I saw this video I thought about the aspects of its message that involved challenge.
Important and creative parts of the counselling process involve challenge.
Counselling homework involves facing your true self and your fictions.
Challenge is key to making positive change.
Priya indicates self-challenge is critical in leading a life you will be happy to look back on in later years. Her strap line is “quit your life and reboot”.
The video had no associated transcript: you may want the edited highlights rather than the entire talk.
These are the highlights that stood out for me:
People hate their jobs. They apply themselves and work hard but they stay because they are afraid to leave.
People would like to make better life choices.
The anxieties of the “brightest” is a public problem.
Everyone has fears I wonder what those who are not thought of as the “brightest” are to do about them?
There are various methods to address these anxieties. These methods also attempt to identify need in the world and recruit people to address that need.
There are different levels of need in the world: whilst one man’s challenge is to resolve drought in sub-Saharan Africa, another man may content himself with fixing the neighbour’s car.
1. The Obituary Test
Imagine that your death is being announced. Write your own obituary.
(Presumably you are not allowed to use latitude here. For example I would probably start out “Phil was a bang up chap who everyone loved…”)
The aim is to drive out how you would like to have lived
(I’m guessing this does not allow for: “like Ozzy Osbourne”).
2. The Passion Comic Strip
A number of people believe that they have no passions. This method will help you to identify your passion.
Interview five to ten people who know you well. Ask them when it was that they saw you look most alive. (Think Wallace meets Wensleydale.)
(I wonder if all such moments would be suitable for sharing?)
Draw a comic strip:
The reason you use drawing here is that:
Drawing utilises a different part of the brain to writing. (This seems to assume that you have the capacity to draw.)
Images are more powerful than words. (In what way images are more powerful is not described.)
Most people’s drawing skill is rubbish so you will not be able to take yourself too seriously once you have seen the resulting comic strip. (Again a valid counselling technique.)
3. Get Comfortable With Discomfort
This strikes me as like CBT in terms of challenge which indicates that almost anyone could participate in this activity.
Quitting life is scary hence you need to develop “discomfort muscles”.
(You will still feel the fear but you also need to be able to manage it).
In a queue (say at a supermarket checkout) start singing – keep singing even when you can feel your heart pounding.
Take yourself to dinner alone AND take no reading material. Take no phone. Do not make any excuses. Book it; turn up; eat a full dinner alone with nothing to distract you from your discomfort.
The backward elevator test. Walk in to an elevator, face the back. Keep facing the back even as everyone in the elevator gets uncomfortable.(What prevents people dragging you off to certain institutions, thumping you or reporting you to law enforcement agencies is not detailed in this video.)
4. Give Yourself a Life Sentence
Critical questions:
What do I value?
What is my purpose?
What do I want to be?
There are three parts to a life sentence:
What are the qualities or values I want to bring with me?
What is it that I actually do?
(Given you’re on The Procrastination Pen this might be a valid question).
To what end? (Why do you do this)?
This is regarded as the hardest of the methods but it is the most effective. It needs a large commitment of time. Generally with someone who knows you well.
Once completed this is useful as a filter – everything in life will take you closer or further away from your life sentence.
If it is part of the life sentence you do more of it. If it falls outside the life sentence you do less or stop doing it altogether.
5. Dwindling Cash Experiment
How do you know how much is enough money for you?
Not merely how much do you need to live but how much do you need to feel comfortable?
The test is to understand what it is like to live on different incomes by experiencing those incomes.
Sit down and calculate how much money you spend in a month. Take out this sum. Hold it in an envelope (say under the mattress)
.
(Given I work in security this sounds needlessly scary why not store it in the safe instead.)
Week 1 – take out 40% of the amount you withdrew; spend it on what you like.
Week 2 – take out 30% of that original figure and spend it.
Week 3 – take out 20% of the original figure.
Week 4 – take out 10%. (This assumes a four week month).
So if the total amount is £5000 a month.
In week one you have £2000 to spend.
In week two £1500.
In week three £1000.
In week four £500.
The lack of knowledge about how much money is enough creates fear. This enables you to work out how much is enough for you.
(£1 ½ million monthly would do me nicely.)
6. Help Somebody Else
Work out which five of your friends do interesting work.
(Assuming that you have five friends).
Spend an hour with them problem solving their stickiest problem.
This assumes you are capable of solving this problem –perhaps for the purposes of this the attempt is sufficient.
This is beneficial because:
– It creates a habit of “how can I help” – a habit which is helpful to society. It has also been established that helping others is good for your well-being as well.
The Procrastination Pen 