Tag: Books

Sleeping With ASMR

Of late I have been finding that just shutting out all noise using the Bose QuietComfort headphones has been enough to allow me to sleep. However, this has been right on the tail end of a period where I was using the Procrastination Pen playlist extensively.

For each of you I imagine that sleep varies, and it is doing what you can on the day to get the maximum rest.

I have been recommending the odd track on Calm based on the fact that I found it helpful. I recently tried “The Hidden Life of Mushrooms” read by “Alan Sklar” https://www.calm.com/app/player/iM8hEBPaao. As expected, Alan has a restful voice and so it makes some good bedtime listening. However, Calm is not free and I am not encouraging you to pay for it.

I am actually finding that for me one of the Calm Dailies is often more listenable than the dedicated sleep presentations. If you do find that the track isn’t for you, the other advantage of the dailies is that they tend to be ten minutes or less.

Recently, of course, I have decided to inject a little variety into the blog by reviewing one video by a professional ASMR artist. The outcomes have been a somewhat variable even amongst those that I have reviewed. Even more so in those that were rejected.

It’s interesting to find that the very criticisms I level at inadvertent ASMR videos are often found with professional ASMR videos as well. This leads me to suspect that I maybe looking for something esoteric in such videos, which others care less about.

However, given the main characteristics for me are a quiet, calm voice with little extraneous noise, I find that a bit surprising.

Today’s video starts with music, and I am not keen on startup music as you know.

ASMR Clinical Trial Medical Assessment for Headache Pain | Trigger Test Assortment on Real Person

The musical start is being used to advertise a Patreon page and as you also know, I’m not rabidly keen on advertising either. However, it could be worse. No one stops the video to declare that their sponsor is “Tod’s burgers”, or similar.

The channel is: Siesta with Sarah ASMR the channel has four hundred and sixty-nine videos and 44k subscribers so I think we can say that Siesta with Sarah is a hard-working ASMR artist. However, at least at the present time, I was unable to find the channel on the ASMR Index.

The video is just over forty-three minutes long, so a substantial one. The voices as you would expect are excellent and the tone great. It is, again, too focused on whispering. I say again in that other ASMR professional videos have also focused on whispering. I would not expect an actual medical professional and patient to be whispering together, unless they were sharing something clandestine.

There is a background noise which is probably air conditioning. I do find it odd that ASMR artists decide to include this as it is one of the factors that tends to mar genuine medical videos.

Wherever the video was recorded there is a reasonable amount of traffic noise, presumably from a nearby road just outside of the building.

There are many rustle noises from clothing, which some people probably find restful.

The concluding music is thankfully brief. Of course, I do not really have a playlist for these videos as the intent of the blog (to date anyway) has been to review inadvertent ASMR videos. However, I will put this one in the sweetie jar playlist in case it is of interest.

But enough of these distractions. The business of this blog of late has been to review inadvertent ASMR videos.

Today’s video is:

How do you do an Eye Exam on an Infant?

This one is a professional video and so has notes associated with it: “131,644 views 28 Mar 2017

Tons of parents ask Dr. Luke Small how he can do an eye exam on a 6-month-old! With a guest star Kenzy, Dr. Small shows you the steps he takes while examining your infant’s eyes.”

Comments are permitted and, for once, they are supportive. The video is eleven and a quarter minutes, so it’s not going to break any length records. It starts without music – hip-hip. However, there is some very impressive air conditioning noise, boo. By impressive I mean intrusive. Dr Luke Small is a tad loud to start but he gets a much milder voice when dealing with the infant.

There is a whirring noise from a small toy used to attract the attention of the child. It is a very quiet and gentle presentation however, whenever Dr Small interacts with the child.

The channel is: Armstrong & Small Eyecare Centre it has seven hundred and ten subscribers twenty-nine videos and four playlists. If we’re looking for similar material, I do not believe that the playlists are going to be of great assistance.

Here we are looking for eye exam material located on this channel and that features infants. This follows the theory I have that adults in videos dealing with children are much more softly spoken than adults in videos dealing with fellow adults.

Scrolling through the videos the next obvious candidate is this one:

Children’s Eye Exams Trailer

The notes are: “600 views 12 Dec 2020

Armstrong & Small Eye Care Centre

1140 Portage Ave Winnipeg, MB R3G 0S7

204-786-8991

http://www.armstrongandsmall.com

Armstrong & Small Eyecare Centre

710 subscribers”

This one is a little over a minute and sadly starts with music, and it is rather loud music. Unfortunately, the music then continues for the entire video. Not exactly what we were looking for therefore.

The very last video which appears to have anything at all to do with this area is this one:

Children’s Eye Exam in Winnipeg, MB

just less than four minutes so barely there at all. The notes are “621 views 8 Jun 2015

Our Winnipeg optometrists at Armstrong & Small Eye Care Centre specialize on paediatric eye care and eye exams. Schedule an eye exam for your child at 204-786-8991!

Armstrong & Small Eye Care Centre

1140 Portage Ave Winnipeg, MB R3G 0S7

204-786-8991

http://www.armstrongandsmall.com”

It starts in the manner of a news programme i.e. one person interviewing another person. Here Dr Small’s voice remains the most relaxing but the format itself is not relaxing. The air conditioning noise is now very muted to such an extent that it is barely perceptible. Shame that couldn’t have been the case on the first video. Sadly, this isn’t the kind of video that we were hoping for either.

So just one video this week.

The overall playlist of videos covered so far on the Procrastination Pen is here:

The videos weeded out because over time they are just not as good as the others is in this archive list:

I keep this in case subscribers to the Procrastination Pen have personal favourites that they want to hear.

The playlist of videos requiring age verification is here:

I can’t be bothered to stop my listening to log on, this interrupts the experience. You may not mind this in which case this list is for you.

I hope that you find the playlists restful and I hope you get plenty of sleep.

If you liked this blog article why not follow this blog.

Until next time.

Picture DeepAI.org

Sleeping With ASMR

The year warms, and it is this time that the recommendations that the bedroom be kept cool appears to be more difficult to achieve. Unless you are fortunate, swinging the windows open is only likely to keep you awake due to the noises of traffic, passing individuals, even other people’s televisions or music playing apparatus. At this time I wish you as much sleep as it is feasible to get, and I hope that the Procrastination Pen can provide some small support towards that.

I have got into the habit of identifying a track from Calm that has been helpful to me this week. As usual, I have found one of the Calm dailies to be infinitely more listenable than the tracks dedicated to sleep. I have been listening to Jeff Warren, but this week I have switched allegiance to Tamara Levitt. It is quite restful, and if you do not take to it there is the advantage that it is quite brief.

Tamara Levitt, Daily Calm, Non-Attachment

https://www.calm.com/app/player/9knrT0BrjK

I have been spending a brief period in each blog post reviewing a professional ASMR artist. So far, it has been remarkable how many of the “failings” of inadvertent ASMR videos are often shared by professional ASMR videos.

Today’s video is this one:

ASMR Naturopathy consultation (Unintentional, real person ASMR)

Which is a whopping one and a quarter hours in length. Comments are permitted and what a mixed bag they truly are. I have often commented that I think allowing comments is a fundamentally brave decision. But at least if there are three hundred and ninety-four of them a lot of people are fascinated by your video.

The channel is ASMR Beauty it has 131K subscribers and three hundred and eighty five videos and of course ASMR Beauty appears on the ASMR index.

There are notes, and it is refreshing to find a video not touting some sponsor or other.

“758,329 views 9 Oct 2022 #asmrmedicalexam #asmrmedical #asmr

This week’s ASMR video is a naturopathy consultation 🥰 Yvonne was so helpful and really shone a light on just how unbalanced my diet has been lately… this session has really inspired me to take better care of myself and check what I am eating, and I am so grateful that I was able to film it for you all for both educational and relaxation purposes! ✨

💕Treatment Details are as follows: 💕

Website: https://www.yjdnaturaltherapies.com/i…

As always, this video is not sponsored. I am uploading it with the hope that it helps people relax after a hard day’s work or school. ✨

If you’d like to support my work, please consider donating to my Ko-fi! (https://ko-fi.com/asmrbeauty) Any amount is much appreciated! ❤️

‼️All of my content is footage of real sessions and experiences I have had in London or in other parts of the UK. I upload these sessions with the intention to help people destress, relax and learn‼️”

The video starts loud. In fact, it sounds convincingly like a real medical examination video, complete with excessively intrusive air conditioning. The pace is lovingly slow but the voice, at least to start with, is not your classically amazing ASMR voice. Refreshing is the complete absence of whispering, which makes it more believable, if anything. That said, I have found inadvertent ASMR videos which are more restful from my perspective, than this one.

The question-and-answer session is not something that I commonly cover. I may look-into that in future for my inadvertent ASMR videos, although I doubt counselling sessions, for example, are available on YouTube (I’ll verify that in my video related research, just in case).

What strikes me is how well-spoken the participants are in this video and not something I always encounter. At intervals I did find that it seemed to be going on for a while which wasn’t a great sign. However, if you’re tired and need to sleep perhaps it is just what you need. To be honest, for me, it could have been half the length.

Moving on to the inadvertent ASMR, which is the whole point of this blog (or it has been to date).

Today’s video is this one:

L spine overview.wmv

This features Mr Mushtaque A Ishaque and straight away we realise that the video is not commencing with music – heaven be praised. Mr Ishaque has a great voice. Although the video is filmed in a presentation style his voice is not excessively loud. This is a talent which a number of other people could profit from. He has a measured approach and is a joy to listen to. The video is a little over fifteen and a quarter minutes and surprisingly for a professional video has no notes. Comments are permitted and even more surprisingly these are both positive and lack any off-the-wall comments.

The channel is EdwardTDavis and the whole channel has only fifteen videos. This is still too many for one blog post

Regular readers will be familiar with the channel because it has been covered before.

I think that this time we will filter by including only those videos that are dedicated to examination of the spine. There are four of these and that seems a suitable number to cover in one post. Of course, the above has been reviewed, so we have only three remaining:

The next one therefore is this one:

L spine run through.wmv

This is slightly less than four minutes in length, so it is unlikely to be around long enough to be boring. There are no notes. There is one single abusive comment (I always say that permitting comments on a YouTube video is akin to an invitation to duck).

The video is of the same standard as the previous one and the voice is equally as good. It is nicely paced and never excessively loud. It is not peppered with annoying music or excessive background noise. If it had been quite a bit longer, it would be just the kind of video that I look for in terms of ASMR videos.

The next one in the spine series on this channel is this one:

C spine run through.wmv

This one is a little less than three and a quarter minutes, like the last one it’s somewhat on the short side. There are no notes, the comments at least seem relevant, if not helpful, to an ASMR-orientated audience.

Again, there is no music. The voice continues to be excellent. Air conditioning noises are so muted as to be easy to disregard. Shame this wasn’t forty one minutes in length, it would be a great one to drift off to. As it is, I think all the videos this week are going into The Procrastination Pen playlist.

Sadly, a playlist of short-length videos, as seasoned readers will be aware by now, is simply an invitation for YouTube to slot in unsuitable adverts in between. For which I apologise. Those so disposed can now subscribe to YouTube and pay for an Ad-Free experience. I have not tried this myself and so I cannot comment if it ultimately works out as a good deal.

The next (and last) video on the subject of the spine, on this channel, is this one:

C spine overview.wmv

This is a little more substantive at thirteen minutes in length. Again, it has no notes. Comments are permitted; there is one bland comment which just possibly could have been left by an ASMR fan.

The participants have been the same throughout and the quality of each of them has been good. I am trialling all of them in the Procrastination Pen playlist and I hope that you agree they are all worthy of that (feedback is always welcome).

The Edward Davis playlist on the Procrastination Pen is here:

The overall playlist of videos covered so far on the Procrastination Pen is here:

The videos weeded out because over time they are just not as good as the others is in this archive list:

I keep this in case subscribers to the Procrastination Pen have personal favourites that they want to hear.

The playlist of videos requiring age verification is here:

I can’t be bothered to stop my listening to log on, this interrupts the experience. You may not mind this in which case this list is for you.

I hope that you find the playlists restful and I hope you get plenty of sleep.

If you liked this blog article why not follow this blog.

Until next time.

Picture DeepAI.org

Sleeping With ASMR

I am noticing on YouTube, a number of channels dedicated to the collecting of inadvertent ASMR videos and, sometimes the creation of playlists of such videos, which in many ways replicates the work that I am doing.

There are also blogs out there producing some quality work in this area, so it is feasible that any ASMR-related output has been accomplished even more professionally elsewhere. If you do have a favourite outlet for ASMR material pass it along and I will feature it. I may even listen to it personally.

For the moment I am carrying on doing what I have done for over a year now, reviewing videos, generating playlists, occasionally editing the playlists when I don’t feel that they are fit for purpose. If you happen across this blog in your search for better ASMR material, by all means, give me some feedback and I’ll try to incorporate any relevant suggestions.

Of late, I have been listening to Calm because I have a subscription and, for me, that subscription gives some value, in that without it, I doubt I would be maintaining any kind of meditation discipline. Its value as a sleep aid I have found a bit variable. Indeed, I have found that the Calm daily meditations are more restful in many cases than the items dedicated to sleep. Not least that a number of the items dedicated to sleep incorporate music, which, personally, I do not find helpful in assisting me to get off to sleep. Your mileage may vary.

Today’s Calm item is just the same and, again, it is one of my favourite voices on there, Jeff Warren. Who, coincidentally, once in a while has something useful to say as well. Don’t take this as a recommendation to start splashing your cash. Heaven forfend. I am certain that with a bit of discipline there are other, free, options available.

https://www.calm.com/app/player/Yj26VDZzW_ Jeff Warren, Daily Trip, Sometimes It’s Hard.

However, if, for example, you already have a Calm subscription you may want to give the above a whirl.

For a few weeks now I have been giving a professional ASMR video a review. Today’s comes via a slightly esoteric route, in that I have been trying to learn Italian via Duolingo, without success, for way – way too long. It was for this reason that a video in Italian, by a non-Italian ASMR artist rather appealed.

The video is this one:

ITALY’S Old School Eye Exam is SO Relaxing | Real ASMR sounds

It is from LaLek ASMR a channel with three hundred and ten videos, 242K subscribers and whose output seems to incorporate an impressive number of massage videos. As expected, the channel also appears on the ASMR Index.

The video has notes, some of which are dedicated to self-promotion, so a precis of which are as follows:

“2,152,940 views 14 Feb 2025 #EyeExam #MedicalASMR #ASMR

Ciao a tutti! 🌿✨ Today, I’m taking you inside an old-school eye clinic in Italy for a real eye exam with a gentle, professional old-school eye doctor and vintage optometry tools. This classic vision test includes trial frames, Snellen Eye Test Chart, near and far vision testing, and vintage optometry equipments—all creating unintentional ASMR with soft-spoken moments, gentle tapping, and soothing sounds. 💆‍♂️👓

If you love medical ASMR, real eye exams, and the nostalgic charm of old-fashioned clinics, this video is for you!”

Comments are permitted and surprisingly, are positive and seem to lack the off-the-wall and damning. Perhaps such commentators take a little while to catch up.

The video is a little less than thirty minutes and it is surprising how effective hearing an ASMR video in another language actually is. However, there are quite loud equipment noises. It is also punctuated by ads sadly. There are various electric motor noises, beeps and clicks. None of these seem excessively loud. The summation by the eye specialist is a little louder and somewhat faster than the rest. It isn’t terrible but does not stand up well in comparison with the nicely quiet presentation that has gone just before.

Today we return to a channel that I did promise I would revisit after a moderately successful first review of it.

The channel is Farsight Channel and will be familiar to regular readers.

The video is this one:

Macleod’s examination of the sensory system of the upper limbs

A little less than five- and three-quarter minutes long. Omar and Amy as in the previous article, and by this time I am getting used to that artificial voice (maybe that is just me). A video of that voice would not be unpleasant for us I feel, even though there seems a slight discontinuity between the sound and the video.

Macleod’s examination of the cervical spine

Ben and Omar again. Omar’s responses are so abrupt and flat that it is laughable, definitely not Omar’s genuine voice (in fact, I doubt that Omar is even the “patient’s” name).

It is just over two minutes long and, in every respect, follows the findings indicated for the previous videos in this post.

Macleod’s examination of the ear

Omar with Amy, and I have decided that I like the artificial voice of Amy a lot more than the artificial voice of Ben. Shucks, am I admitting to liking a synthesized voice? Well not really, just that I think it is better than another computer-generated voice.

This one is less than one minute so there is barely time to take in what the participants are saying before it is all over. Again, the narrator is not as quiet as the participants.

Macleod’s examination of the upper limbs motor function

Ben and Omar, but this time a narrator who is different to the one we have had previously, not only that, but he has a markedly superior voice. Much preferred intonation and volume for our purposes.

Omar responds “no” in a completely flat tone which, if you have listened to the ones that went before in this post, you will be completely familiar with.

This is just less than six minutes, so a positive marathon in terms of some in this post but miniscule compared to some we have seen.

Macleod’s examination of lower limb motor function

This is just over five minutes long. Ben and Omar, same narrator as above and this narrator would have been great for all of the videos. Perhaps I will be entering into some judicious weeding of videos from the main Procrastination playlist into the archive list and including only those with this narrator. I’ll let them bed in and see if they are all deserving of long-term membership.

Macleod’s examination of the Hip joint

Just over six and a half minutes, Ben and Omar the participants again. These have all been very similar, which is remarkable in that there has been little to dislike about any of them. I sometimes resort to pointing out minor niggles to distinguish between them (like the narrator’s voice for example). Here we have the preferred narrator of the two featured in this blog post. Already then, we are on a good footing (given the narrator is talking for much of the video).

Definition, just because I thought a picture would be useful – lumbar spine

Lumbar vertebrae anterior

Macleod’s examination of the respiratory system

Amy with Omar and this time with my preferred narrator. So preferred participants (for this set anyway) and preferred narrator, so something of a jackpot. It is nearly thirteen minutes and so reasonably long for the posts we have been covering this time.

Definition Cricosternal distance distance between the cricoid cartilage and the suprasternal notch (labelled as Jugular notch below)

Gray1194

Macleod’s Examination of the cardiovascular system

Just over twelve- and three-quarter minutes, Amy with Omar, and the last of the videos in this particular post. The preferred narrator in fact a good video to go out on.

Definition Cyanotic Congenital Heart Disease, a disease present at birth leading to low levels of oxygen in the blood.

The Farsight Playlist on the Procrastination Pen is here:

The overall playlist of videos covered so far on the Procrastination Pen is here:

The videos weeded out because over time they are just not as good as the others is in this archive list:

I keep this in case subscribers to the Procrastination Pen have personal favourites that they want to hear.

The playlist of videos requiring age verification is here:

I can’t be bothered to stop my listening to log on, this interrupts the experience. You may not mind this in which case this list is for you.

I hope that you find the playlists restful and I hope you get plenty of sleep.

If you liked this blog article why not follow this blog.

Until next time.

Picture DeepAI.org

Sleeping With ASMR

There has been a (hopefully unnoticeable) period of downtime of late, as there seems to have been no brief periods to sneak in a video review. That being the case, I am somewhat grateful of the backlog of material I had built up over the Christmas break. Today though, a few minutes available and a new video review.

Of course, for a very short while, I have been slipping in a review of a professional ASMR artist video. Today’s channel is ASMR Rebecca.

The video is this one:

A Very Realistic ASMR Eye Exam (new props!)

This is just over twenty-five and a half minutes. It starts with various rubber glove noises which seem to occur in several videos and I have now decided I really dislike. The vocal tone is better than some I have covered. At least the voice is closer to one an actual medical professional would use (a lot less whispering here).

I notice that the eye chart is displayed as in a mirror, so it’s a little challenging to read. However, as we are here to listen, I doubt it matters. To me, various parts of the exam seem to be out of focus which might be deliberate.

There are numerous additional noises which I think are supposed to appeal to ASMR fans who respond to different “triggers.” I just find them distracting. For example, there is drumming of the fingers, clicking noises and noises of a pen scratching against paper.

All told for a professional ASMR video, I found that there were rather too many distracting noises for me. I know that some professional ASMR artists include as many triggers as feasible in each video, but this scatter gun approach, to me, means that there is no particular focus. Surely it is better to focus solely, for example, a video on those who like scratching noises rather than whispers + scratching noises + clucking noises + finger drumming and so on and so forth. As each person finds their specific trigger, others are put off and as the artist moves onto the next trigger, they put off the one who was until that minute entranced.

This video is also not helped by extraneous background noise in terms of a car alarm somewhere sounding off. (Probably a good key to restart the entire filming process).

That said there are hundreds of comments on this video and a quick scan through reveals that they seem to be positive. This slightly increases my perception that people are watching due to the way a person looks rather than the ASMR sounds a video may have.

However, the presentation is, as expected, carefully put together and the tone is excellent (eyesight tests appearing as if in a mirror, excepting).

I will put it into the sweetie jar playlist so that you can have a review for yourself.

Onto the core theme of the blog, which is videos that were not designed to be restful but are, nonetheless, relaxing in content. Today, we return to Dr Abraham Verghese who we have featured before in this blog.

On Being a Doctor and Connecting with Patients

Just over four minutes so not a huge video. It has notes which thankfully are not as lengthy as we have grown used to. “14,160 views 7 Jan 2020

In this video Abraham Verghese, MD, best-selling author of In My Country and Cutting for Stone, discusses the origins of the study he coauthored identifying 5 practices that foster meaningful connections between physicians and patients. Learn more at ja.ma/presence5.”

There are few comments but they are quite encouraging – this makes a welcome change. We’ve seen Abraham Verghese before and on that occasion, we concluded he had a good voice for us and so again with this video. There is no introductory music (hurray) no weird background noises (hurray) and no people wandering across the camera (hip-hip…).

This though, is not a medical examination as such. It is a monologue. But it is calm, measured and most of all the volume control isn’t turned up to 11.

Sadly, background music commences after a while, but it is at least calm music and the volume does not suppress the speaker. So, I may make an exception and add this into the playlist. It might though get booted on review into the archive list.

The channel is JAMA Network which has 1.3K videos at the time I am looking at it. Try covering that lot in one blog post.

I think I’ll try for any of those that feature Abraham Verghese and focus that way.

A search on Abraham Verghese’s surname brings up videos that do not include him. However the videos in their entirety number only six so I’ll go with it and see if we have discovered any hidden gems.

The first is the one covered above leaving just five to review.

How to Prepare with Intention

With notes: “1,357 views 21 Jan 2020

Preparing with intention is one of five practices that can help doctors connect with patients. In this video, Donna M. Zulman, MD, MS, Jonathan G. Shaw, MD, MS, and Abraham Verghese, MD, from @StanfordMedicine explain how this practice works and why it’s important. Learn more at ja.ma/presence5.”

It is just over two minutes long, so hardly there at all. Abraham Verghese is this time drowned out by background music and this continues as Donna Zulman speaks and it fails to desist when Jonathan Shaw contributes.

In fact, it ruins the video from our perspective so I’ll move on.

How to Agree on What Matters Most

This is less than one and one half minutes and starts with Abraham Verghese again. There are notes of course: “877 views 21 Jan 2020

Agreeing on what matters most is one of five practices that can help doctors connect with patients. In this video, Donna M. Zulman, MD, MS, Jonathan G. Shaw, MD, MS, and Abraham Verghese, MD, from @StanfordMedicine explain how this practice works and why it’s important. Learn more at ja.ma/presence5.”

In this case the music does not quite overpower the speaker, even as the video moves on to Donna Zulman and then to Jonathan Shaw, so I think I’ll tolerate this one. How long it will last in the Procrastination Pen playlist though…

I am becoming much more critical of late and some of the videos that have been in that playlist for a long time are now getting booted to the archive list.

Listening to Patients Intently and Completely

A little less than two minutes and so all of these videos have the advantage that they will not delay us long. They have the disadvantage that they provide spaces for more of the oppressively loud and distracting adverts that YouTube chooses to put into the gaps between videos, even when those videos are obviously being played overnight!

Why I would want a loud and funky advert blasting from the headphones at 3am is anybody’s guess. But, I suppose, it is more important that a few more pence are added to the coffers.

The video has notes as expected: “2,749 views 21 Jan 2020

“The data source is the patient, and the most important thing is not to interrupt them, and let the story unfold.” Listening intently and completely is one of five practices that can help doctors connect with patients. In this video, Donna M. Zulman, MD, MS, Jonathan G. Shaw, MD, MS, and Abraham Verghese, MD, from @StanfordMedicine explain how this practice works and why it’s important. Learn more at ja.ma/presence5.”

It starts with Abrham Verghese again and I am saddened by the fact that all the participants seem to have reasonable voices but they are masked (even if partially) by continuous background music. I am mystified why anyone would do that, unless it is to frustrate ASMR-seeking listeners – in which case it is highly effective.

Achieving Diagnostic Excellence

This is a much more substantial video, it is very nearly half an hour in length. As if to reflect this it also has much more substantial notes so I’m just supplying an extract of these: “1,345 views 20 Sept 2022  #JAMALive

Arguably, a clinician’s most important role is providing an accurate and actionable diagnosis for patients. But challenges stand in the way, including tool limitations, inequitable access, and discontinuity of care. In this roundtable Q&A discussion, Urmimala Sarkar, MD, MPH (Zuckerberg San Francisco General Hospital and Trauma Center, UCSF), Jonathan H. Chen, MD, PhD (Stanford Center for Biomedical Informatics Research, Stanford University), and Harvey V. Fineberg, MD, PhD (Gordon and Betty Moore Foundation), discuss issues affecting diagnostic excellence, the emergence of artificial intelligence–driven tools, and ways to make the diagnostic process patient-focused. Hosted by JAMA Editor in Chief Kirsten Bibbins-Domingo, MD, PhD.

Visit http://jamanetworkvideo.com for more content like this.”

Comments are permitted and the only feedback is relevant and well-thought out, which makes a refreshing change. This also means that there is no feedback from ASMR fans.

The video commences with funky music but thankfully that soon desists. Kirsten Bibbins-Domingo starts the video. I’m not sure that Kirsten would be the first choice in terms of voice for ASMR but at least the presentation is not excessively loud.

Sadly, the format which is like a Zoom call (other chat-related softwares exist), does not lend itself to an ASMR supporting video. This one does not belong in the Procrastination Pen playlist.

Coronavirus Update With Eric Topol

On the face of it, this is not a subject that is likely to be restful. It is the longest video so far seen in this blog post at a little shy of forty-one minutes. There is a whole medical manual of notes with the video, so here is a brief extract: “19,983 views Streamed live on 23 Jul 2020 #Pandemic #COVID19 #Coronavirus

Eric Topol, MD, Scripps Research EVP and omnivorous science health care and tech commentator, discusses the evolving COVID-19 pandemic.”

There are a number of comments, many of which reflect the concerns surrounding the subject, but no obvious ASMR-related comments.

There is no startup music – heaven be praised, so a nice peaceful start. However, we are again faced with a Teams-call like interface and not a medical examination as such. The presentation starts with Howard Bauchner who actually has quite a reasonable voice. Eric Topol is the person being interviewed who, if anything, has a better voice. Sadly, as before I do not think this is suitable for the Procrastination Pen playlist.

The Bedside Manner Playlist on the Procrastination Pen is here:

The overall playlist of videos covered so far on the Procrastination Pen is here:

The videos weeded out because over time they are just not as good as the others is in this archive list:

I keep this in case subscribers to the Procrastination Pen have personal favourites that they want to hear.

The playlist of videos requiring age verification is here:

I can’t be bothered to stop my listening to log on, this interrupts the experience. You may not mind this in which case this list is for you.

I hope that you find the playlists restful and I hope you get plenty of sleep.

If you liked this blog article, why not follow this blog.

Until next time.

Picture DeepAI.org

Sleeping With ASMR

Welcome readers to another article of the Procrastination Pen. Just for a change, we will be looking at videos designed to encourage ASMR symptoms (if you want to receive ASMR symptoms, that is).

Yet again, I am temporarily going to review the video from a professional ASMR artist as a slight distraction from the main aim, which is to review inadvertent ASMR material.

In this case, the video under review is this one:

ASMR Cranial Nerve Exam – Roleplay

This is from the channel Starling ASMR a channel having 532K subscribers and three hundred and seventeen videos which is pretty high productivity, I’m sure that you will agree. There are a few playlists dedicated to medical exams which has been bread and butter for this blog for over a year now.

Starling ASMR also features on the ASMR index.

As I have concluded previously about other ASMR artists, Valentina is of attractive appearance and continues to confirm my suspicion that a number of ASMR fans don’t attend these videos because of the way that they sound.

The video is inclined towards the whispery and so I do not think that it is designed to fool anyone. I do not think any medical professional would conduct an exam whispering to this extent.

It contains some noises which I suspect are supposed to be stimulating, but to me rubber glove noises, clicks and crumpling noises are not what I’m interested in. In addition, the somewhat loud vibrations roughly half way through the video are, to me, distracting.

Given how popular the video is however, I think I am in a group of one here.

The voice is, of course, first class and distracting noises aside, I can hear what people are listening for.

I think it is worthy of review and so I have added it into the Sweetie Jar playlist.

Of course, the purpose of this blog has not been to review professional ASMR artists and so we return to the inadvertent ASMR that is its core material.

Today we are back on a channel that I did promise I would revisit after a moderately successful first review of it.

The video features a different “patient” to the last time we were here, and we may have some success sticking with that “patient” in terms of the videos that we review on this occasion.

The channel is Farsight Channel and will be familiar to regular readers.

The video is this one:

Macleod’s examination of the cardiovascular system

As we have previously established Macleod’s appears to be a medical tome of great worthiness in that a number of people seem to be reading it, following these videos, commenting on it and so on. Sadly, with all the medical knowledge of a person with no medical knowledge I have no idea if all that attention is justified. I will take it that it is.

As we saw the last time, all of these videos are professionally produced and a well-established clue to this is the presence of a great many notes. The notes with this video are as follows: “2,047,718 views 5 Jul 2013 New! Macleod’s Clinical examination 13th edition

This video demonstrates clinical examination techniques as described in Macleod’s Clinical Examination. The textbook with access to the full set of videos is available at http://www.elsevierhealth.co.uk/macleod

More information about the director www.iainhennessey.com”.

Comments are (bravely in my view) permitted, and are the usual rag-tag of rare affirming statements, demands for attention of one variety or another and the occasional off-the-wall comment, which makes you wonder.

The video is a little less than thirteen minutes and almost amazingly has no startup music at all (hurrah). Like before, we have two participants who could easily be computer rendered. The tone is wrong, the pacing is wrong and the voices occasionally don’t seem to fit what is happening. It is as if we have two participants and two other people’s voices have been dubbed over the top. This is less apparent, however if you don’t actually watch the video. Just listen to it. This is what I recommend anyway, after all the purpose of the blog is to help you get to sleep and it is hard to do that with your eyes open.

The video is largely narrated in any case. The narrator is not as restful voice wise as the participants who (artificial or not) have moderately quiet voices. The narrator is a little louder, but not sufficiently so to eliminate the video from the Procrastination Pen playlist, I think.

Given the channel has fifty-nine videos I think we will follow the technique used in the former article and search for videos where the same “patient” features. This gives us the following:

Macleod’s examination of the thoracic and lumbar spine

At a little less than five and a half minutes. It has notes: “9,840 views 6 Jul 2013 New! Macleod’s Clinical examination 13th edition

This video demonstrates clinical examination techniques as described in Macleod’s Clinical Examination. The textbook with access to the full set of videos is available at http://www.elsevierhealth.co.uk/macleod

More info about the author www.iainhennessey.com”

Again, it starts silently. The participants seem to be speaking in a strange way, but they are more restful than the narrator. However, this remains consistent with the last one which is something we often find with professionally produced videos i.e. find one good one and the entire channel might well be a source of other good videos.

At least in this one the patient shows some emotion (smiling), so it is decidedly less robotic than the previous one.

Definition:

Dimples of Venus, a picture seemed best for this:

Dimples of Venus while seated (with arrows)

Macleod’s examination of the respiratory system

This is just under thirteen minutes and again it has notes: “2,851,650 views 5 Jul 2013 New! Macleod’s Clinical examination 13th edition

This video demonstrates clinical examination techniques as described in Macleod’s Clinical Examination. The textbook with access to the full set of videos is available at http://www.elsevierhealth.co.uk/macleod

More information about the director http://www.iainhennessey.com”

We’re used to the format by now. So, we are expecting the participants to be a bit robotic but nonetheless for the video to be a reasonable one for our purposes.

We have Omar and Amy in this one and both we have seen before with Amy featuring in the previous article on this channel.

There is silence to start and that strange impression that the people featured and the voices somehow do not belong together. The actual examination is quiet and measured and the whole video would be approaching ideal sound wise if it were not for the narration over the top of it. However, the narrator never quite gets as far as objectionable such that I could find cause to dismiss the video from the Procrastination Pen playlist altogether.

He has the benefit of good intonation and never straying into excessive volume.

Definition:

Thoracotomy – surgery to open the chest.

Macleod’s examination of the shoulder

Notes: “82,387 views 5 Jul 2013 New! Macleod’s Clinical examination 13th edition

This video demonstrates clinical examination techniques as described in Macleod’s Clinical Examination. The textbook with access to the full set of videos is available at www.elsevierhealth.co.uk/macleod”

This is Ben and Omar, so a change of medical personnel. The video is a little under five minutes so isn’t going to waylay any of us for long. If anything, the narration with this one is slightly more muted which makes it more suitable for us.

Definition: Serratus Anterior

A picture is best for this:

Serratus anterior

The responses are abrupt as we have seen previously with videos featured from this channel. However, the way the medical professional handles the examination is gentle and considered.

Deltoid

1119 Muscles that Move the Humerus b

At intervals (whilst the narration is occurring), the medical professional is speaking but nothing can be heard.

At this point I realise that the blog post is likely to be an excessively long one. So As before I’m going to halt the review of videos and carry some onto a future blog post on the same channel.

The Farsight Playlist on the Procrastination Pen is here:

The overall playlist of videos covered so far on the Procrastination Pen is here:

The videos weeded out because over time they are just not as good as the others is in this archive list:

I keep this in case subscribers to the Procrastination Pen have personal favourites that they want to hear.

The playlist of videos requiring age verification is here:

I can’t be bothered to stop my listening to log on, this interrupts the experience. You may not mind this in which case this list is for you.

I hope that you find the playlists restful and I hope you get plenty of sleep.

If you liked this blog article why not follow this blog.

Until next time.

Picture DeepAI.org

Sleeping With ASMR

For a little while, I have been reviewing a professional ASMR artist with the understanding that as they have set themselves up to produce ASMR material, that material had better be top notch. That is, I am disposed to be more critical of such videos than I would be of a similar inadvertent ASMR video.

This one caught my eye because it is seeking to emulate the very type of video that I habitually review i.e. the inadvertent ASMR video:

ASMR Head to Toe Medical Exam | Cranial Nerves, Physical Assessment | “Unintentional” Style

It is not completely quiet I notice; there are equipment noises, background noises, noises from participants moving around and using medical equipment. In all, not as quiet as I would expect for a professional video. The voices are of course as close to perfect as you can achieve and we’d expect that. It is setting its stall by the ASMR flag after all.

It is odd to find the participants whispering, but not unwelcome in the scheme of things. It does make the occasional noise seem louder than it would do otherwise.

The video is just under forty four minutes and so quite long compared to a lot of the inadvertent ASMR material we have been reviewing of late.

There are notes “308,882 views 16 Nov 2024 #asmrunintentional #asmrmedical #asmrheadtotoe

Let me know if you can spot the surprise towards the end!!! ASMR Head To Toe Medical Exam | Cranial Nerves, Physical Assessment | “Unintentional” Style

SUBSCRIBE FOR DAILY VIDEOS https://bit.ly/Subscribe2MadP

my personal insta:  / just_madspam 

asmr insta:   / madpasmr 

For collaborations: madpasmr@gmail.com

Wear Headphones

This is an ASMR medical role-play, I’m not a real doctor and if you have a medical condition please consult with your physician. This video does not display accurate information therefore none of the information should be taken as accurate/truthful facts.

#asmrheadtotoe  #asmrunintentional #asmrmedical”

The channel is MAD P ASMR. This has 603K subscribers and 940 videos (no one need say that ASMR is not popular).

I found that MAD P ASMR also has an online review. It is good to see that there are other bloggers involved in a similar area.

As with other professional ASMR artists we have so far seen, the attractiveness of the participants tends to be towards the well above average level and so I remain unclear if it is the quality of the sound that is the main appeal (and quite probably it is not).

There are comments, of course, and surprisingly they predominantly are positive. MAD P ASMR is obviously a well-respected contributor.

As we have seen before in a video of this length, YouTube is going to hammer in advertising as frequently as it can get away with and quite a lot of that advertising is not going to be restful. This is a major downside of using YouTube for this kind of material.

Around the twenty-seven-minute mark the video continues but one of the participants has left and a new one has joined. That seems odd and usually I would have thought this the perfect cue to start a whole new video.

I’ll refer to this as the second half of the video (although it’s more like the final seventeen minutes) and it seemed to me to start a little louder. However, this, for me, makes it seem a bit more realistic as all the whispering did not seem the kind of thing your average medical professional commonly engages in. The voices are still muted and probably still much too whispery to be considered a model of real life medical professional behaviour.

At least the part where the patient is talking but the medical professional is just typing into a computer seems representative of real life. (I’m not certain the typing noises are exactly what I would call restful though).

There are various unwrapping noises, which perhaps some people will find appealing. They don’t really appeal to me that much. There also seems to be a quite elevated set of blood pressure instrument noises. The sound of palpating the back sounded more like someone hitting a drum, so I am not sure how the microphone was set up for this.

In the final moments the medical professional starts spraying the back of the “patient” with something which appears to have a glitter-like substance in it. A bit surreal for a medical exam.

In all though, this just adds up to my being extra critical because this is a professional ASMR video after all. I still think it is worthy of review and I am going to add it into the Sweetie Jar list.

Well, that has been a somewhat lengthy diversion from the real meat-and-potatoes work of this blog which is to find inadvertent ASMR videos. (i.e. real videos which may have some relaxing effects rather than ASMR professionals playing doctors and nurses).

Today’s material follows on from an earlier blog post. In this, I introduced the Geeky Medics channel and we got to see videos featuring Dr James Lower and Dr Andrew Pugh.

My preferred method for refining which videos we would review from the channel was to look for videos that featured James.

This led to a very long blog post and enough extra videos for several more blog posts besides. I arbitrarily divided them up for part 1 and this is part 2.

Hip Joint Examination – OSCE Guide (Latest)

There is startup music but different startup music to the videos we saw in the last article. James is in for another examination with Andrew. This time all kinds of leg manipulations are seen but what we hear is similarly quiet and methodical to all those videos that went before.

As we saw in the previous article there are notes – but I won’t repeat them here. Comments are permitted and as before some of those comments are not fully helpful.

This video is just over four and a half minutes. It is so speedy that it is hardly there at all. There is of course background (air conditioning) noise. It is almost rude to have a video without it. Although when it does happen, it is so – so welcome.

Knee Joint Examination – OSCE Guide (Latest)

The video is six and three quarter minutes this time and if you read the previous article, this video will be familiar. (Some elements of the video are obviously just repetitions of filming completed for other videos).

Selecting James as a method of thinning out videos has resulted in a sample of a good percentage of the videos on the website. Overall, this will bulk out the playlist (which really wasn’t the aim).

In order not to tax your reading patience, I think six videos is going to be sufficient for this article.

Dix-Hallpike Test & Epley Manoeuvre – OSCE Guide

This is just under two and a half minutes so it is not hanging around this one. Andrew and James appear again but James appears different and the video is posted much more recently up to now the videos have been six years old but this one is a slimline five years ago.

The new startup music is firmly established and dogging the start of the videos. Andrew’s voice seems to be at a higher volume for some reason and the background hiss a little more established.

Here we have Mr Ben Cosway as ENT Registrar for the first time in the credits at the end of the video as “Reviewer”.

Lymphoreticular Examination – OSCE Guide (lymph node, spleen and liver examination)

This one is a little over four- and three-quarter minutes in length. Startup music, tick, Andrew and James, tick, hissing background noise, tick, initial pre-amble, tick, move onto actual examination, tick, (of which a fair amount is actually in silence – heaven be praised no background noises). In summary, it is just like those we have already seen.

This time the reviewer is Dr Adam Gibb Clinical research fellow in Lymphoma, he seems to be at the Christie NHS Foundation Trust which is in Manchester.

Subcutaneous Injection (SC injection) – OSCE Guide

This one is not brilliant if injections are really not your thing (don’t watch!) It is just two- and three-quarter minutes in length. Andrew and James continue their merry dance across the screen. (To be fair it has all been relaxing so far, apart from the odd extraneous noise in videos which we can afford to dismiss from the playlist, given the resource of videos on this channel is just so large).

Otoscopy and Hearing Assessment | Ear Examination | Rinne’s & Weber’s test | OSCE Guide

I’ll make this the last video in this blog article but there are quite a few more for a future article or articles. It is slightly more than three-and-a-quarter minutes so none of the videos today will waylay you for very extortionate periods of time. It features Andrew and James again, the Morecombe and Wise of medical examinations. There is whispering, so I take it all back, medical examinations really do feature whispering, but perhaps not for the entire length of the examination.

There are a few disturbing ear related images, but as you will be listening rather than watching, you should be well placed.

The Geeky Medics playlist on the Procrastination Pen is here:

The overall playlist of videos covered so far on the Procrastination Pen is here:

The videos weeded out because over time they are just not as good as the others is in this archive list:

I keep this in case subscribers to the Procrastination Pen have personal favourites that they want to hear.

The playlist of videos requiring age verification is here:

I can’t be bothered to stop listening to log on, this interrupts the experience. You may not mind this in which case this list is for you.

I hope that you find the playlists restful and I hope you get plenty of sleep.

If you liked this blog article, why not follow this blog.

Until next time.

Picture DeepAI.org

Sleeping With ASMR

For those who have stuck with this blog, well done and thank-you. You will be aware of the format that this blog has followed for over a year now and I thought that just for a treat we would have a change. Instead of focusing on inadvertent ASMR videos from YouTube as, by-and-large, I have done for a long time now, what if in between I take a look at a video from a professional ASMR artist and consider whether it is worthwhile.

The drive remains a mechanism for getting some sleep. The difference is that someone is deliberately setting out to be relaxing, so we should be disposed to have extremely high expectations.

Searching YouTube for ASMR material yields up a bewildering array of videos and quite a lot of them look unsuitable before I even give them a review.

However, this one:

ASMR Medical ROLE PLAY | Cranial Nerve Exam (personal attention for relaxation and sleep)

is by an artist who has been around for some time and who has her own entry in the online ASMR index.

This is one of many by Isabel on a medical theme and given this is just a diversion I am not going to explore the others here. This is just a taster.

Not unexpectedly, Isabel has a truckload of followers and enough videos to restock Netflix on a Friday evening.

This particular video is a little over thirty eight minutes in length and for me it’s a little on the breathy side. (But I imagine some ASMR fans rather like that).

There are also some jarring beeps at intervals which would not dispose me towards snooziness, I must confess.

I’m also not a fan of the scratchy noises. However, I imagine for some people they are the main appeal.

It has notes but given a lot of professional artists focus on the merchandising, I won’t repeat them here.

Comments are permitted and, boy, are there a lot of those. A quick review though indicates that they are predominantly positive which is unusual in comparison to the video comments we have become used to.

I’m always a little concerned by professional ASMR videos in that predominantly the artists featured are, shall we say, a little too attractive to be considered average. In such cases I am suspicious that fans are attending not because of the quality of the sound…

The sound quality (as we would expect) is sublime with no weird background noises, no loud equipment noises and it just shows the incredibly high bar that an inadvertent ASMR video is aiming for (and habitually misses).

In any case, as this is a diversion, I am currently not disposed to set up an Isabel playlist on the Procrastination Pen (unless there is call for such a thing).

I will instead add such videos to the Sweetie Jar playlist on the assumption that a subset of readers might use such material to fall asleep to (as opposed to the inadvertent ASMR videos which have been the focus of this blog to date).

So returning to the main theme.

Today we go back to a channel which has been an old favourite which is the University of Leicester

Regular readers will know that we have been here before and whilst the videos on this channel may not be quite the ASMR standard of Isabel it has consistently delivered some restful videos.

The video featured today is this one:

Respiratory Examination – Demonstration

Again it is a professional video and so as we expect it has some notes:

“257,959 views 14 Dec 2011

A second more detailed video can be found at; http://www2.le.ac.uk/departments/msce…

This is a real-time demonstration illustrating technique and patient interaction involved in the Respiratory Examination.

The film was produced by practising clinicians to aid the teaching of clinical examination skills. It starts at the point when the clinician has finished taking the medical history and begins the clinical examination.

Presented by Dr Jonathan Bennett MD FRCP Consultant Respiratory Physician. Produced and Directed by Dr Irene Peat FRCR FRCP, Dr Nicholas Port MBChB BSc and Jon Shears.

More Clinical Examination materials can be found at; http://www2.le.ac.uk/departments/msce…”

This leads us to suspect that there are more videos out there on a similar theme and so it is worth taking a while to try and identify them.

This one is a little over six minutes and so it barely has time to take a run up before it is all over.

There are comments and as usual a number of the comments are as helpful as a leg iron.

This though may help us identify the others in this series:

“@UniversityLeicester

12 years ago

There is a second video in which the Doctor does explain the procedure. All the videos in this series can be found in the Clinical Examinations Playlist on the University of Leicester Channel.”

The video starts without music, how delightful, but it does have the constant background accompaniment of air conditioning, sadly. The pace and tone are both ideal, there is an absence of offensive noises and even some light humour. What is not to like.

The “patient” is Mr Jackson, the medical professional is introduced only in the notes Dr Jonathan Bennett MD FRCP Consultant Respiratory Physician.

This is a great Procrastination Pen playlist candidate.

The Clinical Examinations playlist mentioned in those comments appears to be this one:

Looking at that playlist, there would appear to be only one other video which features the same “patient” and the same medical professional, and it would be this one:

Respiratory Examination – Explanation

This one is hardly enormous as it is only just over ten minutes in length.

There are, as expected, notes “482,017 views 28 May 2012

This is a detailed explanation of the Respiratory Examination illustrating technique and patient interaction. The film was produced by practising clinicians to aid the teaching of clinical examination skills. It starts at the point when the clinician has finished taking the medical history and begins the clinical examination. Presented by Dr Jonathan Bennett MD FRCP Consultant Respiratory Physician. Produced and Directed by Dr Irene Peat FRCR FRCP, Dr Nicholas Port MBChB BSc and Jon Shears. More Clinical Examination materials can be found at; http://www2.le.ac.uk/departments/msce…”

There is no music to start and, again, the presentation is calm and quiet. I also love how polite everyone is in this video.

Some of the explanations are a little on the off-putting side. (I’m not sure that discussions of sputum pots are that restful).

By and large though, this one is as delightful as the last one.

The University of Leicester Playlist on the Procrastination Pen is here:

The overall playlist of videos covered so far on the Procrastination Pen is here:

The videos weeded out because over time they are just not as good as the others is in this archive list:

I keep this in case subscribers to the Procrastination Pen have personal favourites that they want to hear.

The playlist of videos requiring age verification is here:

I can’t be bothered to stop my listening to log on, this interrupts the experience. You may not mind this in which case this list is for you.

I hope that you find the playlists restful and I hope you get plenty of sleep.

If you liked this blog article why not follow this blog.

Until next time.

Photo by Akshat Vats on Unsplash

Narrative Vs Dialogue

Two stories both on the same subject to show the effects of Narrative vs. Dialogue.

From a course I did so long ago now that I can’t remember the context.

They’re here purely for your enjoyment and with no other explanation.

I hope that you like them.

Narrative

Elizabeth was a fool Jane knew it. They hadn’t been friends for twenty years without the realisation that Elizabeth was a weak-headed, softhearted, naïve fool.

Didn’t she, the mother have the greater insight into the workings of her daughters?

There were the startling, the mediocre and the downright alarming. Rebecca, the eldest – she had always been the exceptional one. Always knowing what she wanted to do. She planned her wedding for the best weekend of the year, a marvellous dress, a fantastic husband.

Then there was Ruth. Jane could feel the anger like a tiny pricking sensation already starting, just thinking about her.

Ruth, yes – she’d warned her – with every one of the dropout wasters she’d hung around with (and taken to bed) she’d warned her.

Now she was pregnant,, of course she hadn’t taken the time to tell her own mother, oh no.

A hasty wedding in October – at a registry office, a rush job at minimal expense – well this guy Richard was hardly the high-flyer, not like Rebecca’s husband.

Ruth had made a bad choice and it was obvious why. It was just to spite her mother. They’d never seen eye to eye and now she had chosen the one thing that she knew would really hurt.

Jane took pride in her family – liked to think that she’d instilled in them some old-fashioned values.

Rebecca had never hung around town late at night picking up boys – and what boys. The latest one had a tongue piercing – and a dotted line tattooed across his neck with a small pair of scissors labelled “cut here”.

What kind of guy was he this Richard? She doubted very much that Ruth even knew him very well. She knew he had a motorbike and was the sort of guy that Jane would despise. Jane would never welcome him into the family.

How better to hurt her mother than to marry him? Well it worked; all the years of spite and angst could not equal what she was doing this time.

If only Ruth wasn’t such a stubborn, wilful girl, she wouldn’t be dragging the family down in this way. Jane wished, not for the first time that she could disown her.

It was bad enough that she’d found them “at it” in her own bathroom but then to go and marry him? It was too much.

So what was Elizabeth going on about? The loose-minded woman. No doubt, she saw Ruth as another hard-luck case like an abandoned puppy or something.

No, Ruth had a lot of learning left and she, Jane was not going to shield her from any of it.

Dialogue

“Isn’t it the most perfect day Jane” Elizabeth gushed, her brow furrowed in concern.

“It’s October Elizabeth, who ever heard of a wedding in October? I may as well look around for thermal underwear” Jane was at her most caustic today. “Now, Rebecca, Rebecca; there’s a girl with sense, a June wedding, very sensible”

“As I recall Jane, you moaned all day that it was too hot and you were suffering from sunburn,” said Elizabeth archly.

“Hmmph well at least I didn’t have to go there looking like an Eskimo – it’s so unattractive.”

Elizabeth sighed inwardly and tried again “The weather is unseasonably warm Jane. Anyway I’m told the registry office is centrally heated”

“Office, yes office, why not a church?”

Elizabeth decided on a change of tack “Did you see the dress though Jane? She will look beautiful”

“I didn’t want to see it, it’s not as though it’s a wedding dress or anything. There won’t be a train or walking up the aisle will there?”

“I guess as long as she’s happy though?” Elizabeth’s voice squeaked with the effort of maintaining diplomacy.

“Happy, happy, what kind of selfish attitude is that? I give it six months, that’s all, six months”

“Richard seems a very nice lad” Elizabeth was tiring of the fight.

“If you don’t count the tongue piercing and the tattoos of course.”

“They all have those now I think”

“Well he isn’t tolerant enough for Ruth that’s for sure. I don’t think he’s had half enough time to realize what a vicious little wildcat she can be”

“What makes you think that, Jane? What evidence do you have?” Elizabeth, by now beaten decided to go with the flow.

“I’ll tell you why – she’s been going round like some old slapper. Mike last year, Derek six months ago and now Richard. Is it any surprise that she’s pregnant?”

Elizabeth gasped, “That’s a vicious thing to say, you’ve no evidence at all for that statement”

“Oh, come on, don’t be so naïve, she’s been hanging around him like a bitch in heat” Jane snapped.

“How can you say that about your own daughter?”

“You just have to look at her for God’s sake, how many brides do you know actually put on weight for their wedding?”

“I think you’ll find the dress size is exactly the same now as when she ordered it Jane.” Elizabeth was sounding exasperated. “You can’t just treat your daughter in this way Jane, you can’t. It will come back to haunt you if you do.”

Jane glared at her stubbornly “I have five daughters, Elizabeth, five and have any been so awful to me as this one? I don’t think so.”

“Ruth is a lovely girl, Jane, surely you see that” said Elizabeth, tears by now gleaming in her soft brown eyes.

Jane’s gaze was grey and piercing “I tell you, for all the pain this one has brought me, I wish I only had four daughters.”
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The Writing Manifesto

This was something unique to one of the courses. I had never before come across the idea of having a writing manifesto. This is a declaration – public usually of your policy and aims. Presumably any such declaration is going to be a forceful lever motivating you in your desired direction in this case writing).

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/grammarly/write-manifesto_b_5575496.html.

It’s a good idea before writing a manifesto of your own to look at manifestos that others have written for example:

The Futurists Italy 1909

Manifesto of Futurism

  1. We intend to sing the love of danger, the habit of energy and fearlessness.
  2. Courage, audacity, and revolt will be essential elements of our poetry.
  3. Up to now literature has exalted a pensive immobility, ecstasy, and sleep. We intend to exalt aggressive action, a feverish insomnia, the racer’s stride, the mortal leap, the punch and the slap.
  4. We affirm that the world’s magnificence has been enriched by a new beauty: the beauty of speed. A racing car whose hood is adorned with great pipes, like serpents of explosive breath—a roaring car that seems to ride on grapeshot is more beautiful than the Victory of Samothrace.
  5. We want to hymn the man at the wheel, who hurls the lance of his spirit across the Earth, along the circle of its orbit.
  6. The poet must spend himself with ardor, splendor, and generosity, to swell the enthusiastic fervor of the primordial elements.
  7. Except in struggle, there is no more beauty. No work without an aggressive character can be a masterpiece. Poetry must be conceived as a violent attack on unknown forces, to reduce and prostrate them before man.
  8. We stand on the last promontory of the centuries!… Why should we look back, when what we want is to break down the mysterious doors of the Impossible? Time and Space died yesterday. We already live in the absolute, because we have created eternal, omnipresent speed.
  9. We will glorify war—the world’s only hygiene—militarism, patriotism, the destructive gesture of freedom-bringers, beautiful ideas worth dying for, and scorn for woman.
  10. We will destroy the museums, libraries, academies of every kind, will fight moralism, feminism, every opportunistic or utilitarian cowardice.
  11. We will sing of great crowds excited by work, by pleasure, and by riot; we will sing of the multicolored, polyphonic tides of revolution in the modern capitals; we will sing of the vibrant nightly fervor of arsenals and shipyards blazing with violent electric moons; greedy railway stations that devour smoke-plumed serpents; factories hung on clouds by the crooked lines of their smoke; bridges that stride the rivers like giant gymnasts, flashing in the sun with a glitter of knives; adventurous steamers that sniff the horizon; deep-chested locomotives whose wheels paw the tracks like the hooves of enormous steel horses bridled by tubing; and the sleek flight of planes whose propellers chatter in the wind like banners and seem to cheer like an enthusiastic crowd.

The New Puritan Manifesto

  1. Primary storytellers, we are dedicated to the narrative form.
  2. We are prose writers and recognise that prose is the dominant form of expression. For this reason we shun poetry and poetic licence in all its forms.
  3. While acknowledging the value of genre fiction, whether classical or modern, we will always move towards new openings, rupturing existing genre expectations.
  4. We believe in textual simplicity and vow to avoid all devices of voice: rhetoric, authorial asides.
  5. In the name of clarity, we recognise the importance of temporal linearity and eschew flashbacks, dual temporal narratives and foreshadowing.
  6. We believe in grammatical purity and avoid any elaborate punctuation.
  7. We recognise that published works are also historical documents. As fragments of our time, all our texts are dated and set in the present day. All products, The Introduction to The New Puritan Generation 15 places, artists and objects named are real.
  8. As faithful representations of the present, our texts will avoid all improbable or unknowable speculation about the past or the future.
  9. We are moralists, so all texts feature a recognisable ethical reality.
  10. Nevertheless, our aim is integrity of expression, above and beyond any commitment to form.

A Writer’s Manifesto

I guess my most important aim is to entertain.

First commandment of popular fiction of any kind is (as the lovely Claudia Carroll once said): Thou shalt not bore. Quite right too.

Second aim – to say something.

I know this sounds a little vague but sometimes I read books that don’t actually say anything. They just potter along, telling a nice story, but not really going anywhere. I think books should have something solid rooted at the heart of them – a theme if you like. Sometimes that theme doesn’t make itself fully known until you finish the 1st or 2nd or even the 3rd draft, but it’s often bubbling away under the surface of your words, slowly rising to the surface. For example in the first Amy Green book I wanted to tell readers it’s OK to be yourself. In fact it’s pretty darn cool to be yourself. It’s a theme that runs through all the Amy Green books.

My third aim is to write with passion and with confidence.

I’ve been writing for many years now and I’ve started to understand what both these things really mean and how important they are. Write without passion and you’re doomed. The confidence bit – that can be learned over time. But if you write with both passion and confidence – then you might just have a pretty good book on your hands.

Tips for Producing a Manifesto

  • What are your aims when you write?
  • What symbols reoccur in writing?
  • Prose vs poetry?
  • What do you want to glorify?
  • What do you want to eschew?
  • What do you believe in?
  • What do you declare?

The manifesto is a mechanism for recognising why author’s write.

A manifesto is a declaration of intent – a public declaration of policy and aims. It will help your focus as you need to know why it is that you are writing.

A manifesto states what is important to you in your writing. The best place for your manifesto is on the wall somewhere you can see it to remind you why you are writing. In the first place the manifesto is for you.

At the time the manifesto I came up with was this:

Phil’s Manifesto

I write to enjoy the process

I write to enjoy the output for myself

I write so that other people will read my writing and will get enjoyment from reading it

I want to make a living from writing

I am keen to write novels

I will write of things in psychology that interest me

I will write of people in conflict with themselves or with others

I will write of people who escape “real life”

I will write attacks on the mundane, the boring, the routine

I will write prose rather than poetry

I will glorify freedom and escape

I will write of people with complex thought patterns

I will write of people who are small and boring

I will write about anyone who is protesting

I will eschew tediousness and boredom

I will eschew too much sanity or saneness

I will eschew routine

I will eschew “real life”

I wish to be published – a real book with paper not an e-book or a blog

I believe in rebellion as a method for change

I believe in not sticking to the status quo

However all these years later I think I would make a few changes to this manifesto now. Perhaps if there is sufficient interest I will write a new one.

 

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The Neighbours from Hell

I have been fascinated for a long time in stories about Hell.

On one of the writing courses one of the tutors suggested that we write a story about a neighbour from hell who was literally from hell. (As I mentioned in my earlier post https://magic-phil.co.uk/2018/02/13/on-the-theme-of-hell/)

For some reason this has captured my imagination and over time I have created different stories on this theme.

This is the first of these. Many of them are quite old now and I would rework them today.

But here it is unadulterated in case you like it.

Perhaps this will encourage me to produce more of the same in which case watch this space.

Story

Hi, I’m David and I’m a servant of the Devil.

Of course it isn’t obvious to look at me, I’m a balding middle aged civil servant but nonetheless I am Beelzebub’s man so to speak.  It started when we moved to a small estate in Tunbridge Wells.  I had never liked the place from the beginning.  But the price was right and Deirdre; yes, Deirdre just had to have the place.

It’s comfortable enough in a boring suburban way but any place that has a fridge and a sofa would suffice for me.  Deirdre though has to maintain “standards.”  That started almost the first day.  We had only recently moved in when Deirdre started on about meeting the neighbours.

“You should meet them David, you never know if he might be something important in The City, it doesn’t harm to network”

Frankly I couldn’t see the point in this, I’ve worked as a Junior Civil Servant for twenty years now and I see no obvious break in that career coming anytime soon.

“We should show we are good neighbours David, Go next door and introduce us.”

I noticed the “us” in that sentence and the very final ring to it.  A decision had been made, and I was to be the one to implement it.  I didn’t even dare sigh.  I shed the carpet slippers with regret – I had just got comfortable with The Sunday Times (one of my rare pleasures).

I am not naturally an outgoing person, I would happily leave the neighbours to themselves, however Deirdre had spoken.  (I am more frightened of Deirdre than the unknown quantity of the neighbours).

The house from a distance looked exactly like ours. It looked comfortable four-bedroomed detached with a beautiful white picket fence and a tidy arbour over a tiny front gate.

However as I approached the road appeared to darken and clouds began to gather. The gate began to look horribly distant when previously it had been mere feet from mine. I paused uncertainly. The charming arbour with red English rose seemed to be writhing like a nest of snakes. The pleasant curving aspect of a moment ago now seemed to me a gaunt gothic archway. I felt the challenge of the few steps to be too much. Something was definitely wrong.

However into my head rushed the vision of Deirdre: if I returned without having performed my little “task”.  The glare, the folded arms, that stare which told me what a pointless little individual I truly was.  I shuddered and then hastened on.

The tiny white gate now seemed to be of rusty iron (how strange what a change in perspective can do).  And the picket fence I noticed also iron – it reminded me uncomfortably of the cage surrounding a Victorian grave.

I girded myself for the short walk to the door.  This was ridiculous I told myself – a perfectly charming little place.  As I pulled, open the gate to a sound like wood tortured by a gale I distinctly heard the tolling of a resonant bell but from a great distance.  The grass surrounding the path swirled and twisted as if animated with menace, which seemed odd.  When I had set off the day was fine and clear – mere seconds ago.  It was as if the garden had weather of its own.  I realised that I had closed my eyes against the “illusion”.  As I opened them, I recognised that I had been wrong all along, the garden was dead, dry and brown, dusty grass bordered by dried out stumps of a herb garden.  I mused that they certainly needed to get the gardener in.

I hastened to the door – a plain white UPVC door with a faux brass knocker.  At last, I thought something sensible to latch onto.  I lifted the knocker and was amazed at its extreme weight and that it appeared to be hot like a pie direct from the oven.  I flinched immediately and the knocker fell with an enormous clash like hammer meeting anvil.

The door slowly swung inwards as if assisted from behind.  I could feel the sweat beads – clammy in my armpits and cold as they trickled down my ribcage.  “Hello is there anybody there”.

It must be a shy child, that’s it, hiding behind the door, that’s what it is.  I could feel myself trembling just a little.  But the vision of Deirdre firmly in my mind I stepped in.

The door slammed immediately shut behind me with a sound more normally associated with a massive door of oak closing on a vast frame.  I think I would complain to the double-glazing company I reflected whilst peering around what appeared to be an unusually vast hall.

Nothing at all like ours, I couldn’t even see the ceiling and the dining-room door seemed an impossibly long distance away.

Odd that they have the heating on, I remember thinking.  So strange in July, it’s like a real oven in here.  I could feel my white shirt become transparent as it fixed itself firmly to my spine – pulling it free was pointless.  It was more humid than a rainforest.  The neighbour must grow tropical plants I thought to myself.

“Hello, hello, I’m David; I’m your new neighbour”

I could hear the trembling highness of my voice.  I really did not want to be here any longer than I had to.  A quick hello and then go I assured myself.

I stepped into the impossibly long hall and perceived in the distance a standard hardboard-faced door.  Very retro I thought, time they had a man in to replace that.  The door seemed completely smooth and gleamed an impossible brilliance of white.

In front of it gyrating and jumping a Chihuahua.  It appeared to be a Chihuahua at any rate.  The yapping also had a familiar tone to it (Deirdre’s mother owns one; she says it is more fun to live with than her ex-husband ever was). I’ve always hated them; they seem perfectly capable of inflicting a very painful wound only to be swept up by the doting owner as if you had hurt them.

This one was strange though, it must have been the odd lighting but I could swear it seemed to have three heads!

The dining room door swung inwards with a scraping noise like stone dragged across massive stone.  This chap must be a sound effects man I thought, quite amazing the effects he can produce.  Well I sighed, that lets down Deirdre’s view of a chap in the city.

As I peered forwards (still apparently some yards from the doorway), I noticed their obscure taste in carpets. From this distance the red and grey carpet appeared like hot coals.

I halted, unsure what to do next, I was trespassing in somebody else’s house.  That bothered me quite a bit.  But the house was doing strange things to my mind.  That bothered me quite a bit more.  I am not naturally courageous.  (I’ve lived with Deirdre too long for that).  This was beyond my threshold for fear by one hundred percent.

I could almost feel a sense of panic rise within me.

Then a voice both sweet and soothing spoke directly into my ear as if the owner was stood right beside me.

“Mr Blythe, do come in, have a drink”

I didn’t remember to jump, I didn’t remember to be afraid, I couldn’t remember ever mentioning my name. I felt so relaxed so calm suddenly. Some distant voice was yelling “you’re in mortal danger, leave, leave now”. But that was only from inside my own head, I wasn’t about to pay attention to that when I could listen to this beautiful voice right here.

I turned slowly and looked straight into feral eyes.  Not human, more like a cat, devoid of any emotion, yet somehow echoing back concern and charm.  Subconsciously I was thinking I bet this man could con his way into the royal mint.  The face smiled, a smile without warmth, like the gape of a large carnivore.

I couldn’t remember moving, but I was sitting, relaxed in a very comfortable high-back chair. A glass of something was positioned conveniently by my right hand. The light was terrible everywhere in this house I determined. The glass seemed to hold a half pint of steaming blood (or at least blood colour liquid). Revolving slowly at the top of the glass appeared to be a large eyeball, which turned and fixed me with a baleful stare. I set the glass slowly on the floor to hide it. I did not wish to offend my host.

I hadn’t seen him, concealed as he was in shadows just opposite me in a chair very like the one I was occupying.  Somehow, his chair seemed vast in comparison with mine though, fully ten times the size.  I couldn’t imagine how I could have looked into his eyes only moments before.  Oh, this is ridiculous I told myself.

“Sorry I didn’t introduce myself, I’m David”

“Ah, yes, I know”

“Right, Right” I mentally tried to recall if we had met previously but I failed utterly.  I shivered.

“Yes well I’ve just moved in next door”

“More Deirdre’s choice than yours wasn’t it”

So he knew my wife as well?  “Sorry?”

“More Deirdre’s choice, you never liked the area?”

I recalled the first visit – even the drive up to the house had felt uncomfortable – I put it down to a head cold, but nonetheless I had been very glad to leave.

“Yes I suppose more Deirdre’s choice,” I mumbled

“I am just a piece of folklore of course”

“Of course, of course…………………………………………………………………what?”

“A piece of folklore, people can’t actually see The Devil”

“The what?  Sorry I thought I heard you describe yourself as the…”

“Devil, yes of course, but I am just a series of ideas, not a ‘thing’ as such”

“So how……..?”

“How can you see me?”

His eyes flashed yellow and at the same time, a stream of images began to play in my head.  I began to realise that Hell was not a place beneath the tarmac after all.

I had been living in it for the past forty-five years.

 

 

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