Noise – Page 10 – The Procrastination Pen

Sleeping With ASMR

The search for ASMR related content (mostly on YouTube, to date anyway) goes on today and this time no deviations into other subjects.

Those who read this blog frequently will now be aware that each one of these articles reviews another YouTube video for its suitability. If it turns out to be relaxing (or preferably it can produce ASMR effects), it gets added to the Procrastination Pen playlist. If it turns out to be noisy or distracting, well, there just won’t be an article about it at all.

As part of the process, I explore the YouTube channel where the video was located and determine if there are other great videos in there. If the other videos on that channel are noisy or distracting, they get a passport out of the playlist, forever to be forgotten. If they are also relaxing, they get added to the playlist as well.

Over time I keep reviewing the existing playlist and some that do not stand the test of time get removed and added to an archive playlist (in case any readers rather liked them and want to hear them again).

Hence the Procrastination Pen playlist grows only slowly but one hopes it retains its quality.

That being the background, onto today’s video which continues the theme of medical examination videos. So far, I have rarely strayed into professional ASMR territory. Therefore, most of these blog articles focus on videos that were produced for another purpose but just happen to be relaxing as well (commonly where one of the people featured in the video has a great, relaxing voice).

In this case, we have mined the rich seam which is medical student videos. These have been featured before and are distinctly variable in sound quality (commonly the voice is accompanied by background air conditioning, equipment noises and even people wandering into the room where filming is taking place).

However, every once in a while, a good one pops up, so I keep on checking them.

Head -to -toe assessment

There are few subscribers, three hundred and thirty-five as at today’s date. Many of the channels we have been looking at had substantially more. Although comments are allowed there are few of them. As is usual in YouTube, comments (those that are there) are not all helpful.

In common with most student videos there are no notes with the video, so we get no clues for example as to where this is filmed. It is posted in January 2018 and so we can guess that this is an assessment video, somewhere, perhaps in the final year of a nursing qualification so probably a course that ended in 2018 then.

Tamara introduces herself as the student nurse. The patient is Caitlyn (I think). That could easily be misspelled.

Caitlyn (I’m sticking with that spelling now) appears to have the better voice (very quiet indeed). However, sadly, Caitlyn does not get a lot of speaking opportunity.

Thankfully, there is no roaring air conditioning accompaniment, no nasty clanging noises, crashes or onset of Beethoven at one hundred and forty decibels.

It isn’t “top of the pops” in terms of ASMR, but in my view is suitably relaxing so it is going forwards to the playlist.

The channel is Tamara Nosa which has eight videos in it as at today’s date. Two videos are posted ten years ago and five of them five years ago. One video is a “short” – so far there have been no reviews of shorts on this blog.

There is a single playlist entitled “Favourites” which includes videos external to the channel so it isn’t going to be useful to us. The playlist was updated more recently in 2022.

The short which is entitled:

IV Vitamins Infusion. We have 10 different IV cocktails for which your body will thank you!!!

Is loud funky and about as relaxing as having needles poked in somewhere sensitive. So we’ll move on.

The older videos are entitled in a different character set:

Вітання українських дітей в Палатайні ч.1

The character set appears to be Russian and the translation via Google translate is “Vetting of Ukrainian children in the Palatine part 1”

It is very home video-y and no doubt is of interest to the parents of said children, less so in terms of ASMR I think.

Вітання українських дітей в Палатайні ч.2

“Vetting of Ukrainian children in the Palatine part 2”

The same comments apply as to the previous video – this also will not be in the playlist.

Both of these videos are posted to the channel ten years ago.

Head – to – toe assessment

The patient appears to be Jessie (probably misspelled). She does not appear to be delighted to be in a video. There are no comments, no notes, no clues about the institution. In this way it is very like the first video in this article. This is potentially a theme starting.

It is posted in 2017 which appears to be the same year it was filmed (according to Jessie anyway).

Tamara seems to be keen to follow a script. There are comments, by Jessie, which Tamara seems to rush past. So far, so normal assessment video.

At intervals this is a bit chattier than the first video featured in this article. This is unwelcome (for us rather than for Jessie) but I do not think it is excessive.

Foley insertion

This is strange in the extreme and does not strike me as conducive to sleep for a number of people watching. There are no comments and no notes but I’m not putting it in the Procrastination Pen playlist in any case.

Subcutaneous injection

This is very brief. There is no patient as such, no notes, no comments, someone wanders across the camera repeatedly. All in all, not really at the level for the Procrastination Pen playlist so it’s not going to be in there.

One video appears to be hidden as eight videos are listed but only seven appear, therefore this next is the last video on this channel:

Head-to-Toe Assessment

Olga is the patient in this one. This one actually has some comments and thankfully not of the trolling variety.

From this we get that it was filmed in Chicago. That is helpful

We therefore obtain that Tamara was in South University in 2020 and in Dominican University in 2018 (the date of the first video we featured).

South University is in Savannah.

Dominican University is in Illinois.

As expected both have their own YouTube channels https://www.youtube.com/@southuniversity and https://www.youtube.com/@DominicanUniversity perhaps these will be worthy of further examination in the future.

The process is similar to the previous head to toe videos featured in this blog post.

I will include it in the Procrastination Pen playlist (but it maybe subject to future weeding). The Tamara Nosa playlist on the Procrastination Pen is here:

The Procrastination Pen playlist (which is no-doubt what you have all been reading this in order to locate) is found here:

I have been listening to this playlist most nights and some of the videos that were members have now been removed. If any of your favourites are missing from that main playlist you can find them here in the archive list:

Quite often the videos getting removed have no faults other than occasional intrusive noises.

The playlist of items that are great for ASMR (but contain an age verification function), usually a great way to interrupt your listening in the middle of the night, is here:

I hope that you find the playlists restful and that you get a good night’s sleep.

Hope to see you again back here for the next blog article.

If you liked this blog item, why not subscribe to this blog.

Until next time.

Photo by Shona Macrae

Sleeping With ASMR

Long term readers are now very familiar with the way this works. Each week I seek out a YouTube video that might have some ASMR “triggers”. Usually, I choose ASMR videos that were not designed for ASMR effects but that is in no sense a golden rule. So far, I have found that medical videos contain many of the desired elements; quiet, gentleness, paced, and methodical. I have found great voices from men and women. I have also found a many loud ones.

If I find a video that is suitable, I add it into the Procrastination Pen playlist and I look for further great ASMR videos on the same channel where the first one was located.

Some channels contain many videos in which case I select a single playlist from the channel, videos with the same participants, or some other characteristic to narrow the selection.

Where the set of videos has been consistently good, I may in the future return to the same channel looking for more.

The Procrastination Pen playlist unfiltered would grow like Topsy (and indeed it has grown). However, I continue to listen to that playlist – daily in fact – and if I find one of the videos is more irritating than was first hoped I dispatch it to the archive list.

In this way the Procrastination Pen playlist keeps being honed. The result should be a playlist of a consistent quality that any listener would like to hear whenever they are in need of relaxation and/or sleep (whether they enjoy ASMR effects or not).

This week’s video remains on the medical theme and from the title sounds a bit uncomfortable.

HEENT ear pain

This time the video has notes associated with it: “8 Nov 2018

Nicki FNP student health assessment HEENT Ear Pain”

But at least they are not the encyclopaedic notes we have seen associated with some professional videos.

Rather bravely comments are permitted but fortunately there are few of these – we have seen some nasty comments in the past.

We have defined HEENT before of course, but, just in case there was an international emergency that kept you from reading this vitally important blog on that day, here it is again:

HEENT a HEENT (head, eyes, ears, nose, and throat) exam.

Nicki is the medical professional, she does tell us her surname which sounds to me like Myer. That maybe incorrect and even if correct maybe misspelled. At the time of filming, she was a Nurse Practitioner Student.

It turns out that it is Meyer. Additionally, although Nicki is in fact Nicki, she is also Adrianne. It looks like Nicki may have been studying at the Research College of Nursing at the time this was videod. The Research College of Nursing is in Kansas City Missouri.

Of course, it has its own YouTube channel with fifty two videos and sixty nine subscribers, but these are not high numbers in terms of university YouTube channels we have previously seen.

As expected, this channel is more about promoting the college than any medical procedures which might be interesting for ASMR purposes.

Onto Nicki’s video which is under eleven and a half minutes. It’s not huge in terms of videos that we have previously seen (and reviewed).

Initially there is a spoken introduction which is not loud, there is no oppressive background noise and a complete absence of equipment noises. There is no funky start up music so all in all the kind of introduction we look for in a relaxing video.

The tone is low-key and quiet. The initial interview with the twenty-six-year-old “patient” continues at a relaxed pace and this has the feel of a very professional approach to a standard student assessment video.

Nicki (or Adrianne) has a good voice for our purposes with good intonation and a measured delivery.

There is the occasional clunk which distracts slightly.

Nicki appears to have become Simspon (I thought Simpson but that really is the spelling) and went on to work in St Louis.

From our purposes it is a shame that she did not produce a great many more videos. The channel is Adrianne Meyer and it has only four videos and eighty-three subscribers.

Given there are just four, I think we can go review them all.

The ear pain video has proven well worthy of inclusion in the Procrastination Pen playlist so I have high hopes for the remainder.

The next video is this one:

FNP Asmt Musculoskeletal Module 4 Nicki & Melissa

The video includes notes “28 Sept 2018

Nicki and Melissa Shoulder pain eval FNP” as before it also includes comments (although, thankfully, there are few of these).

It starts without music and has a nicely muted introduction. There is limited background noise. However, at intervals there seem to be noises which are either traffic or distant aircraft. It is slightly less than twelve minutes so not substantially longer than the first one in this article.

At intervals it could get a bit monotonous. I’m not going to dismiss it from the Procrastination Pen Playlist on this basis but it might be subject to subsequent review.

Definitions:

FNP Family Nurse Practitioner

ASMT American Society of Medical Technologists

Nicki Neuro Assessment Lab

Notes as before “18 Sept 2018

Neuro Assessment with differential diagnosis”

As before a spoken introduction which is similar. There is a twenty-five-year-old “patient” called Molly. This time there are ASMR comments including some less than helpful ones, which indicates, as expected, that ASMR fans are all over this channel.

It is lovely and calm and deliberate in approach, nothing is rushed or stressed about it.

At thirteen and a half minutes it is the longest so far. Despite this, I think it will be a good candidate for the Procrastination Pen playlist.

Nicki M. -Basic Head to Toe Proficiency

The last video of the set and the longest at just over eighteen and a quarter minutes. As before there are notes although, this time, they are a bit cryptic: “23 Aug 2018

Assmt. FNP Fall 2018”

There are no comments, although comments are permitted. Whether this is a good sign…

This time the background noise seems a bit more intrusive. The patient is Steven or possibly Stephen Simpson. There’s a strange coincidence there in that Adrianne or “Nicki” seems to have become Mrs Simpson some way further along the line. Of course, that could be an entirely different Mr Simpson. This is making the assumption the name change is due to marriage of course.

Again, the delivery is nicely level and not excessively loud. The attention is gentle. The approach is deliberate and methodical there is nothing rushed about this. There are occasional moments of hesitation but given this appears to be an assessment video that is expected (a lot is probably riding on it).

I see no reason not to put all four of the videos this week into the Procrastination Pen playlist. Of course, I review that list every day so the odd one may get weeded in the future if it turns out not to stand up to protracted review.

The Nicki Meyer playlist on the Procrastination Pen is here:

The Procrastination Pen playlist (which is no-doubt what you have all been reading this in order to locate) is found here:

Quite often the videos getting removed have no faults other than occasional loud noises.

The playlist of items that are great for ASMR (but contain an age verification function), usually a great way to interrupt your listening in the middle of the night, is here:

I hope that you find the playlists restful and that you get a good night’s sleep.

Hope to see you again back here for the next blog article.

If you liked this blog item, why not subscribe to this blog.

Until next time.

Photo by Shona Macrae

Sleeping With ASMR

Welcome reader, I hope that you enjoy this week’s item. You may well be aware how this blog works but, just in case, here is a bit of background.

Each week I am trying to add to a (what is now quite long) playlist on YouTube. Some time ago, I discovered that I was one of the lucky people who could feel ASMR effects. I also found that I wasn’t alone.

I also discovered that ASMR can help when you’re suffering with sleeplessness. I also found that a number of people suffer with sleeplessness.

If you are not one of the people who are blessed to feel ASMR, then I am hopeful that the fact I seek out YouTube videos which are quiet and restful will be helpful even so. If you lie awake at night, subscribing to the Procrastination Pen playlist on YouTube might be one of the things that you can use for relief.

I seek out videos that are not designed for ASMR (mostly medical videos). I review them for their efficacy and add them to the playlist if they are up to a standard. I then continue reviewing them, by listening to that playlist, night after night. Those that prove to be less effective I weed out to the archive list.

In this way I hope to ensure that the quality of the Procrastination Pen playlist remains high. (Although I am always happy to receive feedback).

This week, a blog item which is a legacy from my previous work in finding medical examination videos. Initially I came across the channel MDforAll when attempting to cover the feedback “Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes”. The channel has sixty-seven videos but sadly no playlists. Most of the videos are very short indeed at a minute or less.

Without a playlist it is hard to narrow these down in any meaningful way. However, on scanning them I found that by far the majority are in lecture mode. i.e. the person is speaking quite loudly. After a reasonable sampling, I’ve decided to reject any of the shorter videos as they are designed for instruction and there are few (if any) relaxing moments in them.

Of the remaining set, I tried narrowing to a blog post where only one medical professional is involved and found two featuring the same person.

This is the first one:

Pediatrics-Toddler

To start with (in common with other videos on this channel) it is a bit shouty. However, once the medical professional starts interacting with the young person that starts to settle down.

There are no comments and no notes. It is hard to know if any ASMR people have sought this one out already. Although given that ASMR fans seem to be natural video hunters, it is highly likely. The video quality is on the obscure side of fuzzy, such that determining where and when it was filmed is difficult. Although, given the presentation, probably a while before the 2010 posting date.

The child concerned is “Zack” who is probably an adult now and none too pleased that this video of him as a child still exists.

At one point, the video zooms in and we can see that the badge on the uniform of the medical professional refers to the Midwestern University Physician Assistant Program.

This still exists and runs from somewhere called “the Downers Grove Campus”.

Midwestern (of course) has its own channel.

Three hundred and fifteen videos at the date I’m looking at it and twenty-four playlists but none of them seem to be exactly on the same subject as this first video.

There is a possibility that something ASMR-y (official term now) may be found there and if so, it will appear on a future blog post.

The video has at intervals a pronounced background buzz to it which may indicate either its age or the state of technology of recording when it was filmed (videod).

The second video, and the last by the same medical professional on this channel, is this one:

Pediatrics-School Age

As before it starts rather loud, the medical professional appears more used to projecting their voice to an entire classroom. The child concerned is “Jeffrey” (probably misspelled) who is somewhat older than “Zack” above.

Again, there are no notes and no comments so it is going to be hard to identify who the medical professional is. If anyone knows do get in touch and I will list the details in an updated blog post.

The MDforAll playlist on the Procrastination Pen is here:

The Procrastination Pen playlist (which is no-doubt what you have all been reading this in order to locate) is found here:

Quite often the videos getting removed have no faults other than occasional intrusive noises.

The playlist of items that are great for ASMR (but contain an age verification function), usually a great way to interrupt your listening in the middle of the night, is here:

I hope that you find the playlists restful and that you get a good night’s sleep.

Hope to see you again back here for the next blog article.

If you liked this blog item, why not subscribe to this blog.

Until next time.

Photo by Shona Macrae

Sleeping With ASMR

Sometimes it is hard to remember that there might be someone who happens across this blog who has not been here before. If this is you, I hope that you enjoy it and go on to tell everyone you know about how great it is.

The blog exists purely as a review of ASMR videos. Habitually, it reviews videos that were created with a purpose other than ASMR and quite a few of those have turned out to be medical videos. For some reason a number of medical professionals turn out to have relaxing voices.

Each week there are more videos and each week those videos get added into the Procrastination Pen playlist which, by this time, is getting quite long.

However, I keep listening to the playlist and sometimes find a loud noise I hadn’t noticed before, or that the background noise, I had noticed, now appears a heck of a lot more irritating than I remember. In such cases, the videos are banished to the archive list.

In this way, I hope to drive up the quality of the Procrastination Pen playlist and to continually review videos for their excellence.

This week another medical video, the key voice here is that of the medical professional rather than the narrator. Dr. Alex Henri-Bhargava is the medical professional. The video was posted 28 June 2018 and it is part of a professional channel, of which more in a minute.

Neurology: Clinical Skills – Cranial Nerve Exam

Like previous professional videos we have seen this one comes with a healthy chunk of notes:

“28 Jun 2018 The cranial nerve exam consists of a series of tests and observations designed to assess the function of the twelve cranial nerves.

This video will showcase how to exam these nerves.

Filmed, written, and directed by:

Chris Calvin

Kashi (Siyoung) Lee

Kero (Yue) Yuen

Ge Shi

Supervised by:

Dr. Alex Henri-Bhargava (Department of Neurology, UBC)

Zac Rothman (PRISM)

Edited by:

Stephen Gillis”

Phew, and I have truncated the notes quite a bit. One of the original comments states that very few people have seen the video. However, it has 2,664,040 views as at the time I’m looking at it. It must have taken off a great deal since then. There are no ASMR-connected comments so this might be a discovery for this blog. (Although ASMR fans have ferret noses when it comes to a good ASMR video so that seems distinctly unlikely).

Dr Henri-Bhargava has a great voice from our perspective. It is very relaxing. The narrator is not quite as good, but not as bad as in many of the videos I have watched of late.

The examination is very relaxed and methodical.

The channel is UBC Medicine – Educational Media, this has one hundred and forty-five videos and 194K subscribers which as I’m sure you’ll agree is more than a few.

There are nineteen playlists and as luck would have it our first video is part of a playlist:

UBC Medicine: Learner driven and learner made

This consists of ten videos including the one that we started with.

Cardiology: Re-entry Circuits

This one is designed as a learning experience. As with the previous video there are a healthy set of notes, I’ve truncated them a bit (and I’ll do this from now on):

“14 Feb 2017 A UBC medical student explains his own unique take on Re-Entry Circuits.

Animation and Editing- Paul Milaire

Produced by MedIT at UBC Faculty of Medicine

Executive Producer – Zachary Rothman

Faculty Lead – Dr. Carol Ann Courneya

Produced in 2014, released for 2017 Valentine’s Day.”

Judging by the comments, this is great for a learning experience. Sadly, for us this is not relaxing enough to lull you off to sleep so it will not be in the Procrastination Pen playlist.

Cardiology: Wall Stress

The notes state “14 Feb 2017 A UBC medical student gives his unique take on wall stress in the heart.

Animation and Editing by Paul Milaire.

Produced in 2014, released for 2017 Valentine’s Day”

This follows the format of the last one and, like that video, will not be in the playlist.

Cardiology: Action Potential In The Heart

Notes again “14 Feb 2017 Two UBC medical students explain their take on electrical conductivity and action potential within the heart.

Animation and Editing by Paul Milaire.”

This is equally unsuitable for the Procrastination Pen playlist.

Neurology: Clinical Skills – Gait & Coordination Exam

The notes state: “28 Jun 2018 Full Gait & Coordination examination video.

Supervised by:

Dr. Alex Henri-Bhargava (Department of Neurology, UBC)

Zac Rothman (MedIT)

Doctor – Dr. Alex Henri-Bhargava

Filmed, written, and directed by:

John Liu

Chris Calvin

Kashi (Siyoung) Lee

Vincent Soh

Kero (Yue) Yuen

Ge Shi

Special thanks to:

Stephen Gillis and Paul Milaire (MedIT – Educational Technology) Faculty of Medicine, UBC”

Here we discover that the “patient “is Paulina. Again the medical professional is Dr Henri-Bhargava. We discover that his voice is consistent, it is also calming in this video.

Neurology: Clinical Skills – Cranial Nerve Exam

This video is the one we started with.

Neurology: Clinical Skills – Motor, Sensory, & Reflex Neurological Exam

The notes state: “28 Jun 2018 This video will cover, in detail, the motor, sensory, reflect components of a neurological examination.

Filmed, written, and directed by:

John Liu

Vincent Soh

Chris Calvin

Kashi (Siyoung) Lee

Kero (Yue) Yuen

Ge Shi

Doctor – Dr. Jason Valerio (Department of Neurology, UBC)

Supervised by:

Dr. Alex Henri-Bhargava (Department of Neurology, UBC)

Zac Rothman (UBC FOM Digital Solutions: Ed Tech)

Edited by:

Stephen Gillis”

Dr Valerio does not have as great a voice as Dr Henri-Bhargava but this is still properly relaxing. This one belongs in the Procrastination Pen playlist.

Anatomy: Introduction to your first lab

The notes state: “29 Aug 2019 New to anatomy? Not sure how to start your first lab?

One of our med students wanted to provide a simple, step-by-step guide to prep you for your first lab experience. Perfect for anyone studying anatomy!

Animations, Script, Narration by Maryam Garabedian

With Filming and Technical Support by Zachary Rothman

Subject Matter Expertise by Dr Claudia Krebs”

This is quite off-putting; I can’t imagine getting much sleep after watching this. Others may find it ok for them (the voice is certainly good enough in terms of relaxation) but dissection of a human cadaver is not really the kind of thing I want to sleep to. This will not be in the Procrastination Pen playlist.

Introduction to Refugee and Canadian Health Care

The notes state: “22 Mar 2017 Meant for refugees and new arrivals to Canada – an introduction to the Canadian Health Care System.

Written, Animated and Narrated by Maryam Garabedian

Additional Technical Support and Supervision – Zachary Rothman

Subject Matter Expertise

Dr. Mei-Ling Weidmeyer

Barbara Harvey, RN

Stacy Barry, RN

Dr. Videsh Kapoor

Project Support by Jirair Garabedian

Special Thanks to

Refugee Health Initiative

The Bridge Clinic”

This is very helpful in terms of information but is not that great in terms of slipping off to na-na-land. Therefore, it too, will not be in the Procrastination Pen playlist.

Heart Functions: Preload, Afterload, and Heart Failure (Part 1)

The notes state: “13 Feb 2014 What do dogs & frogs, rowing and rubber band sound effects have in common?

A fun and informative look deep into the human heart.

‘From Filaments’ is a basic science explanation of how the heart functions, and why it can fail. A perfect overview for first year medical students!

This podcast was supported by UBC Faculty of Medicine, MedIT Educational Technology with pedagogical support from Dr.Carol Ann Courneya and the participation of Dr. Edwin Moore.

Narration by Tahara Bhate, Carol Ann Courneya, Edwin Moore, Zachary Rothman

Edit, Audio Edit and Visuals by Zachary Rothman”

Sadly, this has a number of distracting sounds which make it unsuitable for the Procrastination Pen playlist. It’s a shame because the person narrating has a great voice. But some of the additional noises would cause a listener to wake up, rather than to start drowsing.

Heart Functions: Preload, Afterload, and Heart Failure (Part 2)

The notes state: “13 Feb 2014 What do dogs & frogs, rowing and rubber band sound effects have in common?

A fun look deep into the human heart.

‘From Filaments’ is a basic science explanation of how the heart functions, and why it can fail. A perfect overview for first year medical students!

This podcast was supported by UBC Faculty of Medicine, MedIT Educational Technology with pedagogical support from Dr.Carol Ann Courneya and the participation of Dr. Edwin Moore.

Narration by Tahara Bhate, Carol Ann Courneya, Edwin Moore, Zachary Rothman

Unfortunately, this is very like the last one and so is also unsuitable for the Procrastination Pen playlist.

The UBC Medicine playlist on the Procrastination Pen is here:

The Procrastination Pen playlist (which is no-doubt what you have all been reading this in order to locate) is found here:

I have been listening to this playlist most nights and some of the videos that were members have now been removed. If any of your favourites are missing from that main playlist, you can find them here in the archive list:

Quite often the videos getting removed have no faults other than occasional intrusive noises.

The playlist of items that are great for ASMR (but contain an age verification function), usually a great way to interrupt your listening in the middle of the night, is here:

I hope that you find the playlists restful and that you get a good night’s sleep.

Hope to see you again back here for the next blog article.

If you liked this blog item, why not subscribe to this blog.

Until next time.

Photo by Shona Macrae

Things You Really Will be Doing Now You’re 50 – Part Three

Following on from part two of the things you are going to find when you’re 50.

https://magic-phil.co.uk/2016/12/11/things-you-really-will-be-doing-now-youre-50-part-two

Ten more items from the same list:

For a long time you have prided yourself on how laid-back you are. Not for you excitement over the miners’ strike, Milli Vanilli, or the Falkland’s war. Recently you are getting red-faced; yelling at the television like some Alf Garnett caricature. You start to avoid certain national newspapers and Question Time on the BBC.
You’ve crammed as much into your life as you thought possible; considered that every moment was a busy moment. Now juggling has become more frenetic. You consider ways to do more: reading whilst going to the loo; learning whilst sleeping; writing your memoirs whilst stood on one foot pulling on a sock. You wonder whether sleep should be optional.
Posters, brochures, TV adverts you notice are predominantly in favour of young people. You’ve never noticed this before. “Young people are our future”; “young people deserve a chance”; “think of the children”. You’ve been excluded from important people in society and no one gave you any warning.
Skimpy underwear for young people is exciting, no underwear is considered provocative. For some reason now big underwear is appealing; if it doesn’t reach your belly-button you no longer consider buying it.
Gatherings of people seem to generate enough noise to rival a Motörhead concert. You find yourself avoiding socialising; instead sitting in to watch repeats of familiar programmes.
People now find it a great idea to deny how old you are. “You’re 50; you don’t look it”; “I never would have thought that you were 50”; “50? You look much younger”. Even though you know that it’s fabricated, you still like it and work to pretend it is genuine.
There are gaps in your hearing – tones that you can no longer hear. You attend hearing tests and no one can detect these gaps. Oh there’s hearing loss but that’s “normal” for your age. People you like start to use those tones to communicate. “What?” is now a conversational feature.
Despite appearances, as far as you’re concerned you are still 18. You feel 18. You’re sure you think like 18. If only your knee would stop hurting you’d give that snowboarding a try. Other people see you as some hoary old hermit. This is confusing. For some reason you’re no longer allowed to go rock climbing, roller blading or clubbing and you’re unable to understand why.
Things that happened yesterday as far as you’re concerned: the music of your youth; the attitudes of your teen years; the clothes people chose. These are now referred to as “classic” or “old school”. Those times are regarded as morally the Wild West. Those who lived through them are regarded with suspicion; as borderline depraved.
You’ve ceased to be described by absolutes. When you were younger you might have been “good at maths”; “good at running” or, if you were very lucky “good” with the opposite sex. Now “for your age” becomes a universal qualifier “your vision isn’t bad for your age”; “your blood pressure is good for your age” or if you’re very lucky “you look good for your age”. You’ve lost the ability to be just “good” at anything and have joined a group of people older than 50 who must therefore be less “good” than everybody else.

If you missed part one you will find it here:
https://magic-phil.co.uk/2016/12/11/things-you-really-will-be-doing-now-youre-50
If you missed part two you will find it here:
https://magic-phil.co.uk/2016/12/11/things-you-really-will-be-doing-now-youre-50-part-two

Watch out for part four here:
https://magic-phil.co.uk/2016/12/11/things-you-really-will-be-doing-now-youre-50-part-four